Woman Calls Out Mother-In-Law’s Disrespectful Dinner-Serving Habit — 'This Is Really Weird & The Height Of Rudeness'
She believes that the habit is unacceptable. However, other people don't see it as a big deal.
Marcos Castillo | Shutterstock We’ve all heard our fair share of mother-in-law horror stories, but this one is just downright odd. According to one woman, her mother-in-law has an unusual dinner habit that has her questioning if she is simply clueless or intentionally rude. Sharing her story to the UK-based parenting forum, Mumsnet, the woman admitted that she doesn’t like her mother-in-law for “so many reasons,” one of which includes her mother-in-law’s bizarre habit of eating before they arrive at her house.
According to this woman, it's not like these visits are a surprise, and when she arrives with her husband, they are served cold leftovers. If you're thinking she's making a mountain out of a molehill, you might be right. But mother-in-laws have been known to engage in some bizarre behaviors, especially when it comes to the women who marry their sons.
The woman said that her mother-in-law always eats dinner before she and her husband arrive at her home, and then serves them cold leftovers.
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Since the woman, her husband, and their kids live about seven hours away by car, they often don’t make it to her in-laws’ house until later in the evening, around dinnertime.
“We are always informed beforehand that they’ll organize dinner for all of us — which is obviously welcome and appreciated,” the woman wrote. “But almost always we find that they have eaten before we have arrived and we get served heated-up leftovers.”
Even on important holidays like Christmas, the woman said the rest of the family will be eating dessert by the time they walk through the door.
“One Christmas when we left very early in the morning to make Christmas lunch, raced to get there and found they had decided to just go ahead and eat Christmas dinner 25 minutes before we arrived,” the woman shared, despite the woman keeping her in-laws updated on their arrival time.
“Last time we arrived at 5 PM thinking surely we had got there in time, but no, they ate at 4:30 so we ate dinner on our own just after 5 PM, picked through the cold leftovers, and they wandered off to serve themselves pudding separately,” the woman recalled.
Feeling annoyed, she decided to ask her mother-in-law why she always chose to serve and eat dinner with the rest of their guests before she and her husband arrived. She was even more stunned by her mother-in-law’s response. “I was informed they made a point of eating particularly early and before we arrived as they thought it was best if the dinner table wasn’t so crowded,” the woman wrote.
However, she believes that the habit is rude and inconsiderate, given that she and her husband always wait for all of their guests to arrive before eating, despite how crowded the table may get. “Am I being unreasonable in thinking this is really weird and the height of rudeness?” the woman asked other forum users.
The woman should tell her mother-in-law that she would prefer it if they wait and eat together.
There were a good number of people who agreed that the mother-in-law's actions weren't exactly welcoming. “Seems especially rude to me considering you travel a long distance to see them,” one Mumsnet user commented. "So rude and it’s very deliberate. Don’t make the effort next time,” another user added. “I'd stop going, you're obviously not wanted much,” another encouraged.
Others, however, pointed out that the woman’s mother-in-law may not have intended to offend her and that she believed that her dinner routine was practical. “My family is a bit like this. They don't really place the same kind of importance on dinner/eating together. It's just not so much of a thing,” one user shared. “I really think in the case of my family it's just a difference, rather than them being deliberately rude. Maybe it's the same with your in-laws.”
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One rational commenter, however, said what we were all thinking: the woman should express to her mother-in-law how she feels about the rest of them eating dinner before she and her own family arrive. “Have you ever said, ‘We would love it if we sat down to eat together, how can we make that work?’” one user asked. “It's odd, but I wouldn't jump to assuming that it's all a planned attempt to be rude/offend you/upset you. Probably just mad logic and a misguided attempt to be helpful.”
Sure, etiquette dictates that everyone should be present and accounted for before anyone digs into dinner, but dinner at Grandma's house isn't exactly the same as dinner at Buckingham Palace. A relationship can't blossom without communication, and it sounds more like this woman is angry at her mother-in-law for much more than just not keeping the turkey hot on Thanksgiving. She pretty much said there are "so many reasons" why she isn't exactly besties with her husband's mom, but this might be a good place for her to start mending fences.
You can't get treated the way you want to be treated unless you tell others what you want and need from them. Sure, it's considered a sign of respect when you wait for everyone to get settled at the table so that you can all eat and chat together, but like the one commenter noted, not all families put the same weight on dining together as others.
Megan Quinn is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
