5 Smart Ways To Avoid Hurt Feelings On Valentine's Day

How to make sure everyone is happy on Valentine's Day.

Last updated on Feb 12, 2024

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Valentine’s Day is coming again, and many of you are searching for that perfect recipe that will make your sweetheart happy, joyful, and satisfied — not like it was the last year or the year before that! Unfortunately, you probably have an example or two of Valentine’s Day celebrations gone wrong that resulted in hurt feelings, tears, an argument, or even the end of your relationship. What's more, you may have heard some scary reports that February is the busiest month for divorces being filed and affairs starting. I certainly have seen an increase in people seeking my help for relationship problems immediately after Valentine’s Day due to hurt feelings and other issues.


But why, after the day of love, are couples encountering more romantic roadblocks than ever? The reason for all these troubling events is the one thing that so frequently is responsible for all the problems, stresses, disappointments, and hurt feelings in every relationship. It all comes down to unmet expectations. She expects something unique and special, like an outing to the new theater in town that she hinted she’d love to go to; yet, she receives the same old box of candies or a stuffed bear.

He is hoping she will give him something he can use this year, like tickets to a hockey game, but alas! Here we go again with that aftershave he doesn’t need, but is afraid to throw away, to avoid her stern questioning. You already guessed what follows. In the best-case scenario, your partner will swallow and hide the pain and hurt feelings, and pretend nothing has happened.


However, the unmet expectations will start to form a resentment that will turn into a real problem in your relationship later on. In the worst case, a nice big fight, tears, screams, and shut bedroom doors are awaiting you, possibly followed by some actions described above: looking around for somebody new who understands their needs better, or even filing for divorce. You can avoid these misfortunes if you follow these 5 steps for a fail-proof Valentine’s Day celebration.

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Here are 5 smart ways to avoid hurt feelings on Valentine's Day:

1. Remember, the small things matter

Warm up your honey with little tokens of affection during the week preceding Valentine’s Day. For your lady: Give her a single red rose as a symbol of your love, or take her out for a coffee to a new place that you have just discovered, and text her more than usual with something more than “I love you.” For example, something like, “I loved your beautiful smile this morning when you said 'Goodbye,'” would be much better!

For your man: Give him an unexpected neck massage, greet him with an unusually long kiss, ask to come into his home office for just a second when he is busy on his computer, and simply hug him from the back saying how much he means to you, or cook him an unexpected little treat that you know he likes so much. And text him sweet little things throughout the day.




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2. Make it memorable

Plan and execute that special, unique event on Valentine’s Day that will appeal to your sweetheart. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it needs to be thought out. For your lady: If she loves the outdoors, you can plan a picnic in a scenic area overlooking the city lights that one of your friends mentioned, when he described to you what a great impression it made on his girlfriend. Just pack a nice basket with some deli items, fruits, chocolates, and a bottle of her favorite wine or champagne. If you go out, find a quiet, intimate bar where you have never been before, and surprise her! For your man: If he’d rather stay at home and enjoy a nice dinner cooked by you, make sure you cook something he likes, even if it is that steak that you’d prefer he never touches. Remember, you are trying to satisfy his taste, not yours!

3. Say how you feel

Give your loved one a special card with the words that you have written just for them, not a premade Hallmark with your signature added. Sure, we all love Hallmark or Papyrus, and you can choose one, but make sure you have written something inside that comes from your heart, and not just “I love you.” For your lady or man: Point out some unique qualities in the partner that you love, like their witty sense of humor, or their incredibly beautiful eyes. It is even better if you create a note or a card yourself, whether you use your computer or old-style handwriting. They will appreciate it for sure!


5 Ways To Avoid Hurt Feelings On Valentine's DayPhoto: Ron Lach/Pexels

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4. Pick a thoughtful gift

Give your sweetie an enticing gift that they deserve, and not that last-minute box of chocolates you picked up from the store on the way home from work, or an oh-so-predictable bouquet. For your lady: Yes, you can go to your favorite jeweler for a new token of your love shaped as diamond-accented earrings. However, it does not need to be something very expensive. A bottle of a new but inexpensive perfume with a note: “Imagining you wearing it tonight makes my heart beat faster,” will touch her heart and make her appreciate you so much more!


For your man: Ladies, think twice about what your man prefers: a new tie or a subscription to his favorite sports magazine. If you answer it right, you will be rewarded! But the best gift you can give him is (you guessed it right) yourself! According to many surveys I have read and the poll I made with my clients, every single man when asked what he would like to receive for Valentine’s, responded: “Her love, affection, and a lot of intimacy!”

5. Get some time in for love

Most importantly: make sure the day ends in emotional, unifying, hot intimacy! Don’t overbook yourselves with lots of activities. Leave plenty of time for that unique emotional body and soul connection that will make your eyes sparkle, and you will smile for days remembering it. For your lady or man: Think of your special plan, try something new, utilize some Tantra or Kama Sutra suggestions, and you will be greatly rewarded with a strong connection and awesome love. Remember, Valentine’s Day is all about celebrating your love, so make your sweetheart feel loved, and that feeling will be returned tenfold!

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Lana Cole is a licensed marriage and family therapist who helps couples reconnect, boost intimacy, and improve their communication to create happy, long-lasting marriages.