The Single, Most Important Way To Know A Man Wants To Be With You

If he's doing this, you're golden.

woman and man embracing with sunset behind them NDAB Creativity / Shutterstock

I received a message from someone the other day that made me realize the importance of covering this topic: does he really want you?

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"Do you notice so many people just settling with cyber-dating?

Like they become so busy they just settle for video and texting all day and then never seeing each other? This happened to me for 4 months — and I finally was like, not settling for this!"


Now, in a busy world where we can still have the benefit of always being connected to each other, these "dating methods" are an effective way of getting to know each other and staying in touch in ways that previous generations simply could not.

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However, there's a crucial piece of the puzzle that often goes missing (as evidenced by this message and many others), that telegraphs someone’s real interest in you — or, lack thereof.

We can spend all day long talking about ways to know a man is interested in you but, in the long run, there's only one thing that actually matters. 

You could get a good morning text every morning, a goodnight text every night, flowers sent to your work, have conversations all day, or receive cheek-reddening compliments on a consistent basis. But the truth is, absolutely none of it matters if he doesn’t put in the effort to see you.

A man who's genuinely interested in you, no matter how "busy" he is, will always make time to see you. No excuses, lies, or broken promises.


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Of course, this is assuming there's a reasonable distance between the two of you.

When I meet a woman who captures my attention, the texting and all of the fun stuff that goes along with it is great, but all it really does is increase my desire to actually see her and spend time with her in person.

Why wouldn't it? That type of communication should supplement the relationship, not be the largest part of it.

It's true that many men may require a bit more of a push than others. Maybe a suggestion from you to do something in person will help; odds are, he will take the reins and be the one to make the transition from texting/chatting/talking to actually spending time together.


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The longer he waits to attempt to make actual plans with you, the less interested you can assume he is.

He should be wondering what you're doing on Friday. Busy? How about Saturday? And while we're at it, what are you doing for the holidays?

The right man who's genuinely interested in building a relationship with you will invest his time in making it happen. He will invest his time in coming to see you, he will invest his time in meaningful conversations, and he will invest his time in you.


He will understand that a relationship is like any other investment — if you don't put anything into it, you can't expect to get anything out of it.

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James Michael Sama is a relationship expert who writes about dating and relationships. He speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness, and has been featured in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio.