How To Know If You're Single By Choice — Or Fear Falling In Love

Happy singletons don’t care if they find the love of their life, because it’s not even on their radar.

happy single woman Halfpoint / Shutterstock 

There’s nothing wrong with being perpetually single. If you’ve chosen it consciously, it can be a lifestyle that brings you tons of freedom and very few entanglements. The key is that it’s a choice you’re making for your highest good, and not because of a limiting belief or because you don’t want to be hurt again.

The desire to partner up and procreate is an integral part of being human, it’s built into a species' survival. Humans are social animals who thrive in healthy communities.


This doesn’t mean that you are required to mate for life with one person. You can be perpetually single and happy with your life — if you do it for the right reasons.

So, how do you know if you’re choosing to be perpetually single as a lifestyle choice, or doing it for the wrong reasons? For instance, maybe you are afraid of falling in love, and the heartbreak that can come with it. 

RELATED: 7 Little-Known (And Incredible) Benefits Of Being Single


5 lessons from people who are happy being single

1. They’re not afraid of being hurt

Those who are perpetually single by choice are not afraid of being hurt, they simply have other ambitions in life. Partnering up, or even having sex is a distraction for them. They may be asexual and not driven by hormones.

Personal relationships are not a priority for them because they may have a calling for something much bigger in life. They cherish their alone time and are thrilled they can do as they choose without having to answer to or accommodate anyone else.

2. They have a spiritual calling

All the sages say, “Know thyself,” and these people may delve deep into a spiritual practice. Not all will take a vow of celibacy, but many remain celibate for years, even decades. For these people, the desire to create a connection to God, Source, Universe, or any higher power replaces the need for romantic relationships. They are fulfilled by a different calling than most people and their relationship with themselves takes a priority over any romantic entanglements.

RELATED: 10 Relatable Truths About Being Single Nobody Talks About


3. They don't worry about being alone

Choosing to be perpetually single means you don’t have a secret desire to fall madly in love with someone someday. These people aren’t licking their wounds or wishing and hoping someone would show up out of the blue to change their life (like in a movie). They are content with their lives exactly as they are.

They simply don’t care if they find the love of their life, because it’s not even on their radar, much less a priority. They’re not worried about ending up alone because they're choosing to be alone on purpose.

4. They’ve taken responsibility for their decision

People who consciously choose singlehood aren’t blaming someone else for putting them in this predicament. They know their reasons and they own them.

They’re not looking to blame anyone or have an ax to grind, they’ve simply decided that being on their own is exactly how they want their life to be. They aren’t settling with being alone — they relish it.


RELATED: 7 Amazing Things I’ve Been Able To Experience Because I’m Single

5. They’re Not Setting Expectations Based On Past Experiences

People choose to be perpetually single because it’s a lifestyle they desire, not because of disappointment or the pain of heartache. They’re not letting their past dictate how they choose to live in the present, or what may be possible for them in the future. They aren’t hurt or angry that their love life didn’t turn out differently.

The choice to be perpetually single can be an empowering decision. However, many people are settling with singlehood instead of taking action to have a thriving love life with an ideal mate.


RELATED: Why It's OK To Be Single Even When Your Friends Aren't

Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches who have been featured guest experts on Bravo’s The Millionaire Matchmaker. They're the authors of the free ebook, 7 Steps To Soulmating.