7 Signs The Person You Love Is An Overthinker

Just because they overthink a lot doesn't mean they don't love you.

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Have you fallen in love with someone who seems to question and ponder everything a billion times, backward and forward? Does your current flame seem engrossed in thought more often than not?

You may be in love with an overthinker. Before trying to figure out this complex creature, let me guide you in the ways of the overthinking mind.

Here are 7 signs the person you love is an overthinker:

1. They have multiple backup plans

Your overthinker has an analytical mind, for better or for worse. Expect your overthinking lover to make a plan A, B, C, ad nauseam for every situation. This can be extremely beneficial when planning a large event or trying to attack a problem, but it can be extremely detrimental if the overthinker is creating potential plans over a supposed "pending crisis" that may not even exist.


If your love is doing the latter, explain that perhaps he or she is letting that mind go amuck, and to take a deep breath and think about the situation later. This is when you should try to distract your favorite overthinker with an enjoyable pleasure. Perhaps a massage or sex? If your partner is really bogged down in thinking, offering the massage is a smart move ... unless you want her to be angry with you.

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2. They remember every little thing you say

That one casual remark that you made in passing? Well, your lover is already pondering about fifty million reasons for you saying it. Be careful with your words and don't give out information that isn't necessary or your man might fret for nothing.


If you notice that "thinking face" coming on, why not:

  • Reassure: explain that those words that seem big to him are really small to you and not to be stressed about.
  • Ask: ask your partner why he or she is fretting over what you said. Maybe there's something going on that you don't know about.
  • Remind: remind your hot stuff that he or she tends to think too much from time to time and that this isn't a worthwhile use of their thoughts.

3. They don't change overnight

There's no way for you to fix an overthinker. The overthinker has to want to change some of his or her excessive thoughts. You can simply support your partner if she decides she wants to seek therapy. You can, however, suggest tools to relax or redirect your special one's busy mind, like:

  • An exercise routine either at home or at the gym
  • Running or yoga
  • Meditation
  • Online support groups and pages for anxiety (finding some would be very helpful and supportive)
  • Turning off social media and email, as well as all tech after a certain hour
  • Dedicated alone time

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4. They're great at planning

If channeled correctly, overthinking can be useful if it's fueled by analytical thinking. If you need an answer to a problem or want to plan a trip or any event, your love will be the perfect person to ask to take on the job. However, when it comes to travel time, tell your overthinker to sit and relax a bit before predicting issues with the itinerary. Wink.


5. They need time to recoup after a fight

Your overthinker may need extra recoup time if you two argue or words are exchanged. It's draining to spend so much energy deciphering every single thing, so give your partner time to him or to relax. It may take time for him to come back around to you as well.

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6. They can be hypersensitive

A friendly reminder that "Hey, you're really obsessing about this and it's bringing you down" is helpful and needed sometimes, but be sure to not be too harsh. Overthinking is a form of anxiety and anxiety isn't something that magically goes away if you ask it to. Trust me, I've tried.

7. They create their own outlet for their anxiety

Don't be surprised if your "thinking one" has a creative or particularly kinky outlet. A place to get out all of that anxious and frantic energy is a great tool. And besides, you might even be the beneficiary of said "outlet." Enjoy it and support it, as long as it doesn't hurt the person or your relationship.


You can love an overthinker until you're blue in the face but remember: this won't change him or her. But you can help your partner fuel that energy into a better channel. Your best mate will thank you.

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Laura Lifshitz is a former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate currently writing about divorce, sex, women’s issues, fitness, parenting, and marriage. Her work has been featured on YourTango, New York Times, DivorceForce, Women’s Health, Working Mother, Pop Sugar, and more.