15 Signs You're In Love With A Softboy (The Opposite Of An F-Boy)

Don't be fooled. This man is a snake.

man and woman cuddling in bed Cristina Annibali / Shutterstock

It's hard to imagine the type of noncommittal guy who could be more aggravating and hurtful than an f-boy. But believe it or not, there's one out there.

He's known as the softboy, and he appears to be the polar opposite of the douchey, easily spotted f-boy. He's gentle. He seems so lovelorn and sweet... And he'll rip your heart out, sleep with all your friends, and make you want to wring his neck.

The problem with softboys is that they seem so adorably approachable, respectful, and sweet. They seem so ready to commit, and that's why they're so obnoxiously brutal when you actually deal with them.


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Not sure if the guy you're talking to is a softboy? Look for these warning signs next time you hear from him.

Here are 15 signs you're in love with a softboy:

1. He brings up his ex

He often will tell you about the terrible, horrible, no-good very bad heartache his ex wreaked on him soon after you meet him.


He may even talk about how committed he was to her, only to have her leave and smash his heart into tiny pieces. Generally speaking, a guy who talks about his ex this way is often either abusive or otherwise bad for you. With softboys, they do this so that they can show how sensitive they are and they hope that you'll give them slack.

2. If you're mad at him for ghosting, he won't call you "psycho"

Rather, he will give you the saddest puppydog eyes and tell you that he's "so sorry." Then, he'll do it again. And again. And again. Until you realize he's a softboy.

3. He constantly talks about how he's an artist and has a creative spirit

He might even actually be an artist for hire. However, this often will come into play as an excuse when he realizes that you're looking for a commitment from him. More often than not, he'll tell you that he has to "focus on his art."

4. You find yourself feeling bad for yelling at him, even when he just bailed for no reason

You can't get angry at this guy. He makes you feel like a monster for it. The softboy is a master at wielding guilt trips and might even be better at it than your own mom.


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5. He's pseudo-romantic, but never really broaches the subject of commitment

This is the kind of man who will send you videos of romantic songs from your favorite movie, but will be quick to tell you that the two of you are "just friends." He'll cook for you and hold you all night, but insist that there's no way that you two will end up dating. After all, you're just friends. Maybe friends with benefits.

6. People are quick to excuse him as "sensitive" and "just a bit young at heart"

The problem with some softboys is that they really play up their childlike innocence, much to the detriment of whoever is interested in them at the time. They will use that boyish charm to wheedle their way into everyone's hearts if only to make sure that they have girls second-guessing their decision to date others.

7. He's really, really wrapped up in his emotions

Of course, he is. He's "going through things" and will "need time to decide." But, oh! He's so tortured! Can't you just forgive him for bailing just this once? He'd never do anything to hurt you!


8. Unlike f-boys, he's upfront about the fact that he's seeing someone else

But that doesn't mean that he won't string you along. Rather, he will typically frame it as "it'll never work out with her," or "but it's really not serious quite yet."

9. Heck, he might even try to pit the two of you against each other

You may know of each other. He may make it so that you two actually flaunt him around one another. He's doing this to get a rise out of you. and if you argue about it, he will paint you to be the unreasonable one. He'll apologize, maybe whine, and then tell you that it's "just so hard to choose!"

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10. He swears he's a geek

He's not like those f-boys with their club-ready clothing or their football jerseys. He's a geek! Can't you see? He knows how to treat a girl because he's totally not a d-bag!


11. Speaking of, he might also wax poetic about chivalry

He will regularly bring up how important it is to treat a girl right, or about how chivalrous he is. He'll bring up things about how his mom made sure to teach him right from wrong, but it's not hard to notice that his words really don't match his actions. While he's not flat-out rude, he's still oddly indifferent and casual toward someone who clearly likes him.

12. If you ask about his plans for commitment, he hesitates and then says, "Yeah... eventually"

In other words, he makes a point of telling you that a committed relationship is in the very distant future. Oddly enough, he never makes a point of telling you that it's "with you."

13. You know he's a jerk, but you can't actually find obvious fault in what he's doing (with an exception for his flakiness)

It's not like he didn't tell you he was seeing other people, but did he have to tell you about her in such detail? It's not like he didn't tell you that he was not sure about commitment, but did he have to string you along? And, really, those missed calls and ghosting acts? Well, technically you aren't dating...


14. He's a Mama's Boy

Don't ask us why, but for some reason, softboys tend to also double up as Mama's Boys. It might just be the way that he's raised, or it may be the fact that he's picked up on how his dad treats his mom. Either way, it's a landmine for any poor girl who gets involved. Run, quick!

15. He bounces in and out of your life on occasion, swearing he's "changed"

He might have changed clothes, but his personality sure stayed the same. Trust us on this: once a softboy, always a softboy.

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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey, who writes primarily about lifestyle, food, finance, and relationships.