Love

The #1 Sign You're A Love Junkie

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couple about to kiss

What is an addiction to love?

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Being addicted to love means having an overwhelming need for adoration, attention, recognition, and even physical touch. That feeling is then coupled with an initial thrilling rush when these needs are met by an individual or "new kid on the block" so to speak.

The deep emptiness that an individual holds is now filled, giving a great sense of relief, and this is not unlike any other type of addiction pattern.

Chasing a new target becomes the drug of choice. The thrill of love medicates issues and feelings we don't know how to address or overcome ourselves by truly loving, supportive means. Unfortunately, this initial high is short-lived, as that intensity of feeling cannot be maintained.

What was once the greatest love story ever quickly descends into a horror movie of co-dependency, insecurities, controlling type behavior, emotional, mental, or even physical abuse patterns, constant bickering and fighting, and, of course, a barrage of text messages or calls.

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What is happening here is the demand within the individual that is no longer being met, so desperate and demanding type behavior begins to surface. This type of behavior incites feelings of guilt and unworthiness in both individuals. Unfortunately, this sort of relationship is very difficult to break away from.

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So what is love?

The question here is — "was this really love or something else?" From my understanding of what love is, it is certainly something else! I understand love is a gentle and unimposing way of being, that is compassionate and deeply caring, and accepting of others.

Love is who we are, not something we do or get from someone else. Love is an expression that we share. Love is complete and full and totally without need.

How can you overcome this addiction?

To overcome this pattern we need to start with honesty. Being truly honest with ourselves, will direct us to find true answers and ultimately true healing. It is important to get support, from someone we can trust and open up to; a professional and experienced therapist will provide the kind of support needed here, and is one of the best ways to go.

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Any type of addiction has an identifiable pattern and can be broken and replaced with new more loving ways of being. The bottom line here is to overcome your addiction to love you must start to love yourself first, where there is no self-love there is an emptiness and this is what drives the addiction.

There are many reasons for the lack of self-love but it usually comes from not being loved, respected, and met for who we truly are from a very young age.

We then hold onto these hurts, shut down, create false beliefs about ourselves and decide that all people cannot be trusted, and the world cannot be trusted. We stop expressing the love that we are deep down, we instead express our hurts and live in protection and simply do not live in a loving way with ourselves or others.

That creates a deep well that cannot be filled with true love, so anything else will do that gives a sense of relief, even if short-lived. We then confuse what gives relief as being the answer, thinking it is love. This surely is not in this case. Take the time to build your relationship with yourself, one that is solid and true, and based on love. Then you can go forward and build that with another.

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Kate Chorley is a clinical hypnotherapist, counselor, and coach, specializing in relationship counseling. She has been practicing professionally since 2004. 

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