7 Things You'll Only Feel When You're In A Relationship With 'The One'

Photo: Dean Drobot / 
young couple smiles at camera lying on the beach, man giving peace sign

How do you know when you're in love and finally in a healthy and solid relationship? It feels amazing!

I've finally found one, so I know.

Everyone wants to believe that the relationship they're in is solid, that they've found their person. 

Unfortunately, you often fool yourself into thinking that something that feels awesome most of the time or where the sex is good, only to be disappointed when it ends in heartbreak, like all of the others.

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So how do you know when you're in love & in a solid relationship? Here are 7 feelings you'll feel.

1. You feel like yourself.

Be honest. How many times have you twisted yourself into a pretzel in a relationship, trying to be someone who you aren’t?

How many times have you tried to act chill when you really aren't? Have you worn high heels when you're a flats kind of girl? How many times have you pretended to like music that you hate?

How many times have you not been yourself so that someone will love you?

When you finally find a solid relationship, you will no longer have to be anything other than the person you are. Why? Because, when you're in a solid relationship, your person will love you exactly the way you are.

In my relationship, I am all that I am — impatient, kind, caring, a lover of broadway tunes, and someone who works all the time. My boyfriend is very different from me but he loves me for exactly who I am, my warts and all.

So, if you feel like yourself in your relationship, it most likely is a solid one.

2. You feel self-confident.

I have a client with whom I'm on the phone almost every day. She and her boyfriend generally text throughout the day and on the days that the texting is intermittent, she's a mess.

She believes that if she doesn’t hear from him, he no longer likes her, even though they woke up together that morning. If she doesn’t hear from him, she starts feeling needy and unloved.

If she doesn’t hear from him, she makes up stories in her head about how she's not worthy. And she refuses to ask him to stay in touch during the day because she doesn’t want to seem needy.

If you're in a solid relationship, you won’t ever feel that way. You won’t feel that you are less than if you don’t hear from your person for a few hours. And you won’t ever feel needy when you ask for what you want because you know that you deserve it.

3. You feel settled.

Did you wake up this morning feeling really good? Did you kiss your boyfriend as you headed out the door, happy and not worried about your relationship? Was your mind free to focus on what was in front of you instead of obsessing about something he said last night?

Someone who's in a solid relationship feels settled. Instead of always being on edge because they're unsure if things are good, a person in a solid relationship feels safe and secure in it.

While there might be occasional disagreements, they know that their person is there and that they have their back. That gives them the confidence to feel good about their relationship so that they can focus on other things!

4. You feel powerful.

One thing I've noticed over the course of my solid relationship is how powerful I feel, like I can take on the world, that nothing will get in the way if I don’t let it.

Why? Because my boyfriend supports me 100%. And he tells me over and over and shows me by giving me the freedom to pursue my passions.

This has definitely not always happened in the past. I've been in relationships with men that made me feel unsteady. Relationships that were up and down and where I wasn’t always sure of my place in it.

As a result, I didn’t believe in myself to the extent that I wanted to. While my life was good enough, I wasn’t living up to my true potential.

In retrospect, I knew that I was strong enough to live up to my true potential on my own but I didn’t know it. Being in a solid relationship helped me see that I am and I accept it.

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5. You feel hopeful.

Do you struggle every day with feelings of hopelessness? Do you look ahead to the next hour, day, week, month, or even year, with dread?

Do you dread the weekend because you aren’t sure if you are going to see him? Do you dread Christmas because your partner doesn’t like your family? Do you worry if you will be able to talk him into having kids?

Do you worry that this relationship won’t work out and that you will never love or be loved again?

If you feel this way, you aren’t in a solid relationship. Someone in a solid relationship is someone who looks forward with hope and knows that the weekend will be amazing, even if you're just staying home.

You're on the same page as your partner about the future and that feels good You know that no matter what, your relationship will prevail.

6. You will feel lucky.

Every day, I work with people who are in unhappy relationships. They're single and miserable or a couple and miserable. They feel hopeless that they will ever find someone. They're devastated that they're been cheated on.

Every story is so sad and yet so familiar.

I've been in many, many toxic relationships in my lifetime. I've been ignored, treated with contempt, cheated on, physically abused, and have lost myself in obsession. Now, I'm not any of those things.

And, every day, I look at my guy and thank my lucky stars that I found him. I truly do. Of course, he drives me nuts some days but I know that I'm the luckiest person in the world to be with someone so kind and loving, who thinks I'm amazing.

I always wonder what I did to deserve him.

So, if you really and truly feel lucky to be with your person, you might very well be in a solid relationship!

7. You feel happy.

This one seems so obvious but it's worth stating. If you aren’t happy in a relationship, it’s definitely not a solid one.

How can you not be happy if you can’t be yourself? Your relationship builds your self-esteem and makes you feel powerful. When you feel settled, you look to the future with hope.

Of course, every day isn’t a bed of roses (not in this crazy world) but if the overarching feeling in your life is happiness, then you're in a solid relationship that should stand the test of time!

Now that you know the feelings that you have when you finally found a solid relationship, do you have a better sense of what kind of relationship you're in?

It's very important to be honest with yourself about the state of your relationship. It's easy to ignore the red flags, justify behaviors, and make excuses to keep your relationship intact.

But you'll only be wasting your time, hoping that your relationship can grow into something it’s not.

Furthermore, don't id yourself that if you felt the things that you listed above at the beginning of the relationship, but not so much now, that your relationship is solid.

It's not unusual to feel that way in the beginning but if things change as the relationship evolves, don’t try to kid yourself that things can be that way again. Things never go back to the way they were in the beginning. 

It's important to love the person who is right there in front of you, not the person they were or the person they could be.

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Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based, certified life and love coach. Let her help you find, and keep, love in this crazy world in which we live. Email her at and get started!