5 Secret Desires Your Unhappy Wife Wants

These are the desires your wife may not be comfortable telling you about.

Last updated on Jul 08, 2023

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My wife asked me a question that really stopped me in my tracks. I was lying next to her in bed, about to kiss her in a very restrained way to gauge if she was in the mood.

When she didn't really respond she asked, "What are you expecting to happen in this situation?" I said, "We are going to have sex." 

"Is that it?" she recanted, "Isn't there more that you want?"

I was totally floored by her answer because she is a woman who would never take the time to read, much less even watch 50 Shades of Grey, yet she was starving for more when it comes to sexual exploration.


Men, it's time that we up our game when it comes to sexual adventure. Gone are the days when we can take our wives to a nice restaurant, a movie, and dancing and expect them to treat us to an evening of orgasmic sexual activity.

According to Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity — Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, there's a crisis of desire that women are longing for. 

Here are 5 secret desires your unhappy wife wants:

1. Desire for adventure

According to a survey done by the called Good in Bed team, women are MORE sexually adventurous than men. So don't hesitate to voice some of your fantasies! Suggest things like having sex outdoors or on the airplane to set the tone for your romantic getaway.


RELATED: 8 Old-School Ways To Make Someone Fall For You

2. Desire for novelty

You might've thought your spouse just didn't want to have sex with you because she's tired all the time.

That could very well be the case, but according to Daniel Bergner, author of What Women Want?: Adventures in the Science of Female Desire, women are far more likely to lose interest in sex with their partners and respond to novelty in pornographic fantasies.

Men, we have to really think about keeping our sex lives fresh and new. 

3. Desire for mystery 

During a marriage, a woman goes through many changes physically. As the marriage progresses, she feels less and less sexy because her demands leave her and redirect her toward her family. Men, you MUST help her discover her inner sexiness.  


You can do this by what Lori Brotto PhD wrote in an article. When you create a little mystery in the bedroom you help your wife focus on the present and she will begin to transfer her mental state into the bedroom.

RELATED: Here Are The Three Words She Really Wants To Hear

4. Desire for risk 

Taking a risk and trying new things sexually shows your partner that you're willing to do anything for her. Christian Grey, the main character in 50 Shades of Grey, was desirable because he was a driven man — intentional and unapologetic, yet vulnerable at the same time.

I know as we get older we tend to play it safe because we fear not performing at our peak. But our wives don't necessarily want that. They get turned on when we make firm decisions. So if you feel passionate about doing something, let it show.


Don't be afraid to lead your wife. If she doesn't want to follow, she will let you know.

RELATED: The Way You Think About Your Spouse Determines How Much You Love Them

5. Desire for danger

Women have a primal instinct to fancy "the biggest badest caveman". He symbolizes protection, toughness, and virility which is very sexually attractive. In order to create that bad-boy vibe, you will have to create some dangerous events to fulfill this side of your relationship.


Things like skydiving or riding the highest rollercoaster can bring back the heat in the bedroom.

RELATED: 6 Unsexy Things Women Want In Bed

Keith Dent is a writer, blogger, and certified empowerment coach. He is the author of In the Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love.