When These 7 Patterns Appear In A Relationship, It’s A Strong Sign You're Being Used
These patterns reveal when your relationship might be one-sided.
LightFieldStudios | Canva All of us want men who are loyal to us and can understand us the most. However, research supports that sometimes we get carried away by their flattery words or gestures and tend to believe they love us selflessly.
With time, they reveal their true colors when we start loving them blindly and fail to notice that their love is not genuine and that they are just using us for their own selfish needs. How then are we going to identify whether our man loves us selflessly or he is just using us?
When these patterns appear in a relationship, it’s a strong sign you're being used:
1. He doesn’t care about your emotions
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He’s always thinking about himself and doesn’t bother if you are hurt or upset by his behavior or actions. If you try to convey your feelings, he will react in such a way that you will feel you shouldn’t be thinking along those lines.
A person who consistently disregards your emotions may use that to control or manipulate you. A 2019 study suggested that they might invalidate your feelings, make you feel crazy, or gaslight you into questioning your reality.
2. He only contacts you when he needs favors
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He always gets in touch with you when he needs any sort of help, be it financial or something else. Of course, you always ask your partner for support, but if that’s the only reason he calls you while ignoring you for the rest of the time, then that definitely means he is just using you.
Research argues that this behavior can be seen as a form of emotional exploitation, where one person is essentially using another for their own needs without regard for their well-being or emotional needs. Healthy relationships are built on mutual support, care, and reciprocity.
3. He always says he’s busy and avoids going out on dates together
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We are all busy, but a relationship needs to be nurtured. No matter how busy we are, we can find time for our loved ones. It’s not an impossible thing to do. So if he keeps on avoiding you, giving the excuse that he’s busy, then it’s a sign that he’s not interested in spending quality time with you.
While busy schedules can sometimes be genuine, a man consistently prioritizing his own time over yours, while still engaging with you in other ways, could be a red flag. A 2020 study suggested that if he doesn't offer alternative times or provide specific reasons for being busy, it can be a sign of a lack of transparency and respect.
4. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family
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It means he’s not at all serious about you. He’s just in a relationship with you so that you can help him out in every possible way. So, there’s no need for him to introduce you to his peers.
A 2010 study recommended that there are legitimate reasons someone might be hesitant to introduce their partner to their social circle, such as the newness of the relationship or personal reasons. However, consistent avoidance and insufficient effort to integrate you into his life can cause concern.
5. He doesn’t express his love, and he doesn’t talk about commitment either
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He avoids topics like engagement or marriage. Just because he’s not serious about the relationship, he avoids these commitments. He doesn’t express his love once in a while too simply because he doesn’t love you truly.
6. His mood fluctuates all the time
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Sometimes he’s in love with you, and at other times, he just doesn’t want to talk to you. If his mood fluctuates all the time, remember that it’s a red alert.
He only expresses love when he needs something from you, or he needs you to do something for him. He’s always guided by his moods and doesn't care about your moods and needs.
Extreme or unpredictable mood swings can be a tactic used in emotional manipulation to control and destabilize a partner. A 2021 study explained that some manipulators may initially shower the partner with affection and attention, then withdraw it, causing confusion and insecurity.
7. People tell you that he’s not a good guy
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You’re in a relationship to be happy. Love is indeed blind. When you are in love with someone, your logic tends to fail. You will ignore all his flaws, but your friends can see them. They are your well-wishers and will stay by your side. So, if they keep on telling you that he’s not a good guy, you better listen to them.
A man who gets into a relationship just to use his woman will eventually leave her when he’s done using her. Such relationships are extremely toxic and never last.
So, if you see these signs, you should get out of it. The world is a vast place. You will find your Mr. Right someday.
Emilia Gordon is a writer and a frequent contributor to the Mind's Journal who writes about social activism, traveling, and lifestyle topics.
