There’s One Specific Thing That Can Predict Whether Or Not You’ll End Up In A Long-Lasting Relationship, Says Study
It's not about finding 'The One.'
Alison Erickson | Unsplash Being in a healthy and loving relationship requires a fair amount of work and effort on both sides. But according to a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, the reason you want to fall in love, before even meeting your significant other, matters just as much as finding the right person, and can predict whether or not your search is fruitful.
The study, led by Geoff MacDonald, a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto, focused on both singlehood and romantic relationships. MacDonald was interested in people who talk about the social structures and pressures of coupling up versus the people who aren't interested in romantic relationships at all.
The reason you want to be in a relationship can predict whether or not you'll find one.
For research, MacDonald and his team created this new measure called the Autonomous Motivation for Romantic Pursuit Scale (AMRPS), a 24-item questionnaire that assesses six types of relationship motivations: intrinsic, identified, positive introjected, negative introjected, external, and amotivation.
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Intrinsic motivation consisted of people seeking a romantic relationship because they genuinely found them enjoyable or emotionally fulfilling. They valued the experience of being with someone. The identified motivation group was people wanting to be in a relationship with someone else based on their personal values and life goals, like wanting to build a family or grow old with someone.
Positive introjected motivation involved pursuing a romantic connection to boost one's self-esteem or to feel proud of being with someone. On the opposite end, negative introjected motivation was driven by a person's desire to avoid negative feelings like shame, guilt, or a sense of failure for being single. External motivation came from outside pressures, such as wanting to meet others' expectations or avoid social stigma around being single.
Lastly, amotivation reflected a lack of any clear reason or drive to pursue a relationship. People with this mindset would often feel uncertain, disinterested, or disconnected from the idea of being in a romantic partnership.
The study measured things like attachment styles, social goals, fear of being single, and desire for romantic involvement.
Respondents who scored high on intrinsic and identified motivations were found to have a more secure attachment style, stronger social goals, and a greater interest in being in committed relationships. Those who scored high on introjected and external motivations were more likely to fear being single or have anxious attachment patterns. Amotivation, on the other hand, was associated with avoidant attachment and less interest in serious romantic involvement.
"The people who both reported that they felt more ready for a relationship and were more likely to be partnered six months later were those who said they were interested in a relationship because they enjoy them and because it was an important life goal," MacDonald said. "We think if you feel that way about relationships, you’re probably in a good place to date. If not, maybe you’re one of the kinds of people who benefit from some time being single."
The findings from MacDonald and his team reflect the fact that you have to be in a secure mindset to actually find yourself in a relationship that's both healthy and nurturing. Love truly ends up finding you when you're open to it.
Most young people are not interested in dating at all.
According to a report from the Pew Research Center, which was based on a national sampling of nearly 5,000 adults in the U.S., showed that 50% of single people are not interested in a committed romantic relationship, and they are not even interested in a date.
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Another 10% admitted they want nothing more than casual dates. About a quarter of single people, 26%, would be interested in casual dates or a committed romantic relationship. Meanwhile, 14% are looking only for a serious romantic relationship.
This especially seems to be the case for younger generations, like Gen Z. Gen Z adults might be luckier in love if they actually desired a relationship, but it seems people would rather stick to casual connections than take the time to build deeper bonds. That's the beauty of relationships, however. It's perfectly fine to be ready for one and equally as fine not to be. The only caveat is that you are honest with the other person.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
