It’s Easier Than Ever To Get A Date — But Harder Than Ever To Fall In Love
We've all gotten so used to dating apps that it's hard to actually build connections with people.
cottonbro studio | Pexels Dating apps have become the most common way for people to meet and form romantic connections. While it can sometimes work (look at Zohran Mamdani marrying his wife, Rama Duwaji, after meeting on Hinge), it seems that the chances of actually finding true love and romance on these apps are one in a million, or at least that's what it feels like.
Gone are the days when people were actually interested in getting to know each other, enjoyed the process of falling, and valued the art of the slow burn. We've all become so accustomed to the instant gratification that exists on dating apps that we've forgotten that the best romances are the ones that we least expect to happen.
It's easier than ever to get a date, but harder than ever to fall in love.
In a TikTok video, a content creator named Jamaal Burkmar first pointed this out after responding to a video of another content creator claiming that people sometimes become less attractive the more you get to know them. Burkmar decided to flip that script, pointing out that the opposite is and always has been more likely. The more you get to know a person, the more attractive they usually become.
"Sometimes when you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're dull as a brick," Burkmar said. "Then there's people you meet and you think, 'Yeah, not bad. They're okay.' Then you get to know them and they turn into something beautiful."
Burkmar argued that dating apps are slowly eroding the art of the slow burn. We all think that attraction should be immediate, and while physical attraction is important in romance, people forget how personality can make that beauty truly shine. Dating apps have sadly conditioned us to only care about looks because what else can you glean from swiping in mere seconds?
We're staring at someone's profile that consists of photos of themselves, and we're making judgments from there. Once we score a date with them, there's this immediate pressure for things to be romantic right off the bat. It's like you need to feel that spark upon the first meeting, but that's not exactly how love works. Sometimes the longest and most fulfilling relationships are born in friendship.
Dating apps have prioritized physical attraction over everything else.
"It's way harder now for either gender to see past some idea of what they're supposed to be attracted to or what they're supposed to be dating," Burkmar insisted. "I think we're embarrassed of a slow burn. We're embarrassed to admit that someone has grown on us."
Many people on dating apps just don't feel the need to participate in a slow burn when they have access to a plethora of potential partners. Men and women alike just don't feel the need to put in any effort when they can spend their time swiping on someone and receiving that instant gratification. It's as if we're simply not putting in any effort when it comes to forming genuine connections. And the saddest part: no one wants to be judged solely on how they look but we're all doing it to each other.
Burkman said, "I think people have set a standard for what they should be attracted to, and so they're missing the magic of what creeps up on them, and that's almost always where love is anyway."
Researchers suggest limiting the use of dating apps and getting rid of unrealistic standards.
A 2017 large speed-dating study set out to see how well the preferences people indicated for a potential partner predicted who they wanted to see again after the experiment. They found that people's preferences didn't predict who they actually liked.
Instead, the best predictor of wanting to see someone again is how they make you feel when you interact with them. This confirms that personality, charisma, kindness, and your inner true self matter way more than most people realize.
cottonbro studio | Pexels
Research suggests that spending a lot of time swiping through profiles of potential partners, without meeting them, can leave people feeling paralyzed by the overload of choice and less optimistic about their chances.
While dating apps can be successful, they shouldn't be the replacement for actually getting to know people. Individuals talk about actually meeting people organically, but that's easier said than done. But meaningful relationships can't be formed until there's at least a base level of friendship and camaraderie. It seems we've lost the fun of going on multiple dates with people and actually getting to know them without the pressure of trying to feel that "spark."
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
