Surprise! The Real Secret To A Great Marriage

Being content with oneself is essential.

Woman spending time alone in park with a book miodrag ignjatovic | Canva

Stop the presses! We've discovered the most important ingredient of a successful marriage! And do you know what it is? The answer is (drum roll, please) alone time!

Successfully married couples have told us this very simple truth during our interviews with them — the secret to their happy marriage is having time for themselves, time alone with their thoughts, meditations, self, in their own physical space. Isn’t this an interesting notion?


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Surprise! The real secret to a great marriage is time alone.

There are many lessons to learn from this notion of healthy aloneness in a nurturing marriage, but here are the most important.

1. Learn to live within your skin.

Liking you comes first. Liking yourself allows you to develop positive relationships with others. Work on this notion as if your marriage depended on it!



2. Respecting your need for privacy and aloneness is an important first step in building a loving relationship with your spouse.

There is a fundamental predisposition of every human being to have time alone. Recognizing and understanding that need in yourself and your spouse is a huge step towards building a love that lasts.


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3. Aloneness is not a bad word.

Spending time alone is good for everyone. Not recognizing this need is highly detrimental to your relationship with the one you love. Learn this lesson well. If you never give yourself or the one you love alone time, you willingly harm your relationship.

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enjoying alone time


Photo: People - Yuri A via Shutterstock

4. Don't smother each other.

So often, when we've spoken to couples who split up, they say, "My spouse suffocates me!" The meaning of suffocation in a nutshell — I had no time for my thoughts, being, and feelings. My spouse did not respect my need to know and grow into myself. The suffocation destroyed our marriage!

5. The need for alone time is universal.

Successfully and happily married couples report this truth to us repeatedly and overtly. This notion is not a cultural thing. The secret ingredient for the best marriages is to respect the need for privacy and aloneness in yourself and the one you love. Never forget it! All truly successful marriages place this need at their foundation.

A successful marriage requires your contentment with yourself. Only those capable and willing to spend time alone can describe themselves as content with themselves. If you can’t live comfortably in your skin, it's difficult to share yourself authentically and fully with someone else. Being content with oneself is essential to a healthy, happy, and successful relationship with another human being.


Give your life partner the gift of privacy and aloneness. Your marriage will not regret it. Love well!

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Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz are renowned love and marriage experts and multiple award-winning authors. Their best-selling book, Building A Love That Lasts, provides readers with insightful and practical tips from thousands of happily married couples.