3 Qualities Of A Simply Phenomenal Wife, According To An Expert
She's not just a good partner, she's a phenomenal one.
Zachary Kadolph | Unsplash What makes someone a phenomenal wife is about bringing your best self to a relationship while fostering an environment where both partners can flourish. When we look at what makes a marriage thrive, it's way more about consistent ways of being present for each other. The following qualities showcase not just what makes someone a truly wonderful wife, but what contributes to the kind of partnership that enriches both people's lives.
Here are three qualities of a simply phenomenal wife:
1. Shares the to-do list and tag-teams the chores
It's critical to have a conversation and seek clarity about how to live together well and happily. Great wives (and husbands, for that matter) have sincere, honest, and transparent conversations about what it takes to run a household.
Think hard about all the chores, managing social calendars, cooking and shopping, financial management, laundry, and organizing the home.
Before you marry is the time to jump-start conversations about the ridiculously long ‘to-do’ list of what used to be called “women’s work,” but is more commonly known as “household management.”
Write it all down, no filters, don’t hold back. As you go deeper and deeper into listing all household tasks, you and your mate will agree — there’s a lot to managing a home. And you’ve made the volume of work visible.
This tiny step to prepare to be the best wife means being honest about all the stuff you don’t want to, aren’t good at, or find tedious, mind-numbing, boring, or repetitive.
2. Doesn't need things to be perfect
Drazen Zigic / Shutterstock
Ensure that the long, long list of household management responsibilities can be accomplished easily, and with love. Conversations about delegating the list, and answering the question of “who’s going to do what?” — will likely skew toward, “Well, which of us is good at it?” 'Since we continue to raise girls into women, to notice and do everything at home, once she becomes a wife, that ridiculously long ‘to-do list” is going to fall right on top of her like a giant set of shoulder pads.
Explore and have fun with the art and practice of “radical delegation.” Typically, we delegate a job to the person best suited to the job.
Since women are historically raised to do the job of household management, it’s hardly fair that she’s about to sign on to a long, married life doing pretty much all the household labor.
Radical delegation means delegating a task regardless of who’s good at it. Wild, huh? The idea is to “get it done” so you both can go out to play and enjoy your married lives.
It means becoming okay with ‘good enough’ versus ‘needing perfection.' If you both don’t want to do a chore, trade off, or outsource.
Radical delegation shines a light on the value of chores. Research has shown that when applied to household chores, this concept forces a more deliberate consideration of who does what, why, and how the overall household workload is managed. If no one wants to do it, weigh the cost of getting it done [or not done].
It also significantly lightens the mental load of emotional labor — greatly diminishing the weight on her shoulders. This tiny step in being a phenomenal wife means you have become okay with good enough, and the philosophy of, “Let’s get it done so we can go out and have fun.
3. Chooses patience over defensiveness in tough moments
Keep your marriage solid through the years as you encounter every single obstacle and challenge life will throw your way. There is a lifecycle to the 24/7 work of the household and household management.
Look into the future and anticipate how to manage family birthdays and holiday dinners. When kids come on the scene, how will you radically delegate all the additional work necessary for a growing family?
That’s right, I’m suggesting preemptive radical delegation. Why not? Look ahead to see what you can reasonably anticipate happening in the normal course of life events.
Which of you will respond to school notices and other kids’ parties? In 20 years, one or more of your parents may need your support — how do you think you want to manage that? Of course, you’ll likely change your mind once it’s in your lap… but at least talk about it.
These tiny, but mighty, steps to prepare to be the best wife mean you’ve decided to respond, rather than react, to the obstacles and challenges along the way.
Dr. Regina Lark is a Certified Professional Organizer (CPO) and a Certified Professional Organizer in Chronic Disorganization (CPO-CD).
