6 Magic Phrases I Teach Struggling Couples In My Therapy Practice

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couple nuzzling in cafe

There is no doubt that relationships can be challenging. Hence the line in some marital vows, "For better or for worse."

Rarely have I seen a relationship that is immune from the emergence of "worse" at one time or another. 

Once the initial emotions are expressed and processed, I help couples identify and navigate through the problems in the relationship. 

I remind them that every problem has a solution and all behaviors, actions, and words are forgivable if they choose to believe that fact. 

Of particular note here are the words they choose to express their emotions. 

If a couple is struggling I encourage them to express themselves using simple, "magic" phrases that can make the journey through difficulties more manageable. 

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Here are six magic phrases couples can use to rebuild their bond & grow trust

1. 'We will get through this'

Assuring your partner that you are all in the relationship secures any doubts and insecurities and can do magic for the relationship and you will see changes.

Being a prisoner of hope allows your partner to know that you are invested and that the only way out of the pain is to get through. 

You are communicating commitment and resilience.

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2. 'I love you'

Saying I love you allows for the expression of those feelings. 

This phrase softens our hearts and allows for the love to strengthen and build with trust and respect. 

People push back sometimes and do not like to say these words usually out of fear or thinking it is not necessary to say I love you because he or she already knows. 

We all want to love and be loved. Learn to say and respond to the phrase “I love you” and watch magically how your behaviors will become loving as well.

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3. 'You are important to me'

We all want to know that we are valued, admired, and appreciated in a relationship. 

During times of struggle, many words are spoken that communicate that our partner does not matter. 

Harsh words may have been spoken in arguments that have been disrespectful and devaluing. In healing times this magical phrase again secures the bond and doubts and insecurities.

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4. 'Thank you for everything that you do for me'

Saying thank you and please is oftentimes forgotten in a relationship as things become expected. 

You have heard said when growing up or other parents say to young children when teaching them perhaps “what’s the magic word” or “what do you say?” 

The answer is "please" or "thank you." 

During struggling times it is important to get back to the basics of etiquette and respect. 

Be mindful to say thank you on a daily basis for the little things as well as take the time to say and or write your gratitude for your partner's actions and watch little acts of kindness magically return. 

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5. 'I appreciate you'

We all love to be appreciated. A lack of appreciation is a big complaint that I hear in sessions from couples, especially during struggling times. 

Mean words may have been spoken that cause doubt in our partner questioning if you even like them any longer. Reassure your partner that they are appreciated and valued with this magical phrase that builds your partner up.

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6. 'I’m sorry'

Learning to say “I’m sorry” when you truly are is a peacemaking phrase that can work magic when accepted. It is healing for yourself and your partner. 

It shows trust and vulnerability that you can make a mistake or misstep and it is forgivable.  

Words are very powerful and can be used to encourage and comfort or discourage and upset. We have a choice of what words to use.

Giving kind, loving words is simple and allows for healing, growth, and intimacy.

You will benefit as an individual to be a peacemaker and the relationship will grow when these magic phrases are spoken.

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Dr. Susan Pazak, is a clinical psychologist and life change expert, as well as the author of the new book, “Simplify: Powerful Words For Life’s Complicated Situations.”

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