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"Because I have better sh*t to do."
By Amanda Chatel — Last updated on Feb 22, 2023
It was right before my 30th birthday a few years ago when people started asking me if I had anyone “special” in my life.
I couldn’t get through a single holiday without the extended family, neighbors, or people from high school (whom I’d, unfortunately, run into occasionally on my visits home) without someone inquiring about this elusive “special” person. What I realized pretty quickly is that when people ask a woman, or a guy for that matter, in their 30s if they have anyone “special,” it's actually just codes for, “So when are you going to finally get married?”
Because prying into why someone isn’t married yet, especially at a certain age, is just what we all do ― I’m even guilty of it myself ― YourTango asked 12 people to tell us why they’re not hitched yet.
Here 12 people reveal the brutal reason they’re still not married:
1. I’m happily single
"I'm happily single since November 2014 after four years of being miserable in a relationship. I'm not looking to settle down or get married. If I meet someone who treats me like a best friend instead of trying to change me into their mother then maybe I'd consider marriage."
2. I have better things to do
"Because I have better sh*t to do."
3. Can’t commit
"It's not just that I don't really believe in marriage; it's also that I know I can't commit. I don't like the idea of having sex with the same person forever. That doesn't sound like fun to me."
4. Everyone gets divorced
“I just don't think I'm the marrying kind. I look at my friends trying to get a guy who's 'marriage material' and think 'why?' I don't need to get married and if I never do, I won't feel like I missed out at all. Besides, half of the people I went to high school with are divorced by now and I'm only 35."
5. I was jilted
"Why am I still not married at 39? Because my fiancé called off the wedding because he was in love with someone else. That's why."
6. I’m better at one-night stands
"I just suck at dating. I've tried every online site there is and I just suck at it. I'm much better at getting drunk and having a one-night stand. One-night stands usually don't end up in marriage."
7. I’m a New Yorker
"I live in New York City. As I'm sure every single New Yorker will understand, that's the only reason I have."
8. It’s not a priority
"I didn't set finding a partner as a high priority until just recently. I poured all my energy into work. Partly to escape from other drama; partly because it's the only thing I felt good at, and other reasons that seem far less important now at 38. I've dated some great guys but never committed. I've blamed timing, travel, cheating exes, and beyond. Also, I never met someone that would make a priority shift effortless. I have a problem with pieces of the institution but could see myself married someday although there's no rush, especially at this 'late' date. I'm focusing on finding a real partner."
9. I need to live alone
"I don't live well with other people."
10. I don’t need marriage
"I got engaged at 25 out of some fear that I had to get married, then when the relationship ended I was devastated. Not because I lost him but because it killed what I thought was my only chance to get married. I hate that I thought that way so it's become the least important goal in my life."
11. Why bother
"Why would I get married? I live with my partner, she's on my insurance, we have a dog, and own our home. I don't see the point in wasting money on a wedding. We'd rather spend that money on a second home or a big trip."
12. It’s just a piece of paper
"My fiancé says it's just a piece of paper!"
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Amanda Chatel is a writer who divides her time between NYC and Paris. She's a regular contributor to Bustle and Glamour, with bylines at Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post, and others.