People Who Feel Their Partner Pulling Away Should Do These 6 Casually Effective Things Right Away
Migma__Agency | Shutterstock It’s that awful squeezing feeling you get in your gut, which turns into the kind of anxiety that feels like an emotional punch in the face. That moment when you realize the person you love has started to distance themselves from you and pull away.
This isn’t so much about them wanting space as a shift you feel in how they approach you and your relationship. You don't want to admit it, because that hurts so much, but you can sense they are actually falling out of love with you. Ugh.
It’s normal to freak out and want to act irrationally to save your relationship, especially when you are in love with them and didn't see this change coming. But don't freak out. Whatever you do, don't panic or act out of desperation, which will only drive them further away. Take a deep breath and try these things instead.
People who feel their partner pulling away should do a few things as soon as possible:
1. Keep calm and carry on
Change and growth are part of any relationship, and there will always be seasons that are harder than others. Remember to focus on the bigger picture. Just because their attitude seems to have changed a little doesn't mean it's a definitive end, and it doesn’t mean it can’t change back.
Now that you've identified there is a problem, it’s best to not let your mind go crazy inventing possible melodramatic outcomes.
2. Don’t let your emotions take over your brain
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Try not to act or speak out of your emotions (within reason; we are human, after all). Try to think practically. When you decide to chat with them about it, make sure you choose a time when your emotions aren’t heightened, like after you've indulged in a glass of wine (or a few).
3. Talk to your partner about everything
Communication is key here, because somewhere along the way communication has broken down, leading them to hold back. Tell them you’ve noticed a change, ask how they feel, and ask if there is anything you can do on your part.
Try to remain objective and calm during their answers (because you might not like them!). But be honest with yourself — and them. This isn’t about pointing fingers, but about working through your issues. You can’t force an answer out of someone, unfortunately, but you can try to initiate a real conversation.
4. Have a good look at what both of you may be doing wrong and right
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Relationships are a two-way street. Sometimes we build habits into our lives that can negatively affect our marriage or partnership without us even realizing it.
Have you done something that contributed to their withdrawal? This could be anything from losing your sense of purpose to forgetting to show your love, etc. Don’t be too harsh with yourself; this isn’t about self-condemnation, but rather being accountable for your part in the relationship.
5. Change your focus and start working on the solutions
Once you've spoken to them and worked out the issues, it’s time to shift the focus. Depending on the contributing problems, you then need to work on solutions for those areas together.
Whether it’s putting more effort into your appearance or working on your own dreams and finding yourself again, put the change into action to make a difference. Crying and wishing may seem easier, but they really aren’t going to solve anything.
6. Woo your partner again
Everyone needs to be romanced. Maybe not in the same way or as much, but it still needs to happen. What did you do to capture their heart in the first place? Who were you when you first met them?
We can become complacent and comfortable as time goes by in a relationship. Treat someone the way you did when you first met them (within reason), and you will keep recapturing each other's hearts and attention.
Renee Slansky is a relationship and dating coach, and the founder of The Dating Directory, an online community for women focused on love, life, and relationships.
