People Who've Dated Emotionally Unstable Women Say These 7 Signs Show Up Early And Often
According to people who've been there, these red flags rarely fade with time.
Live Kaiah | Unsplash First, it's critically important to note that just because a woman is emotionally unstable does not mean she is a bad person, and there is no reason to demonize her or her actions. What it means is she is incapable of being in a healthy relationship with you at this point because her relationship with herself is impaired.
What she needs is to take the necessary steps to be strong in who she is before she is ready to love you. How can she do this? By devoting a significant amount of time and energy into herself and her healing (inspired by her own free will and strong desire). Then and only then is she better, and able to withstand the rigors that intimacy requires.
Whether she is on her healing path or stuck in chronic emotional instability, her main focus will be on herself for the indefinite future and not on you. Therefore, unless you are attached to having a broken heart (in which case you have your own emotional instability that needs healing), leave now if you notice any of these signs.
People who've dated emotionally unstable women say these 7 signs show up early and often:
1. She trusts everyone but herself
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Trusting everyone but oneself is often a symptom of trauma. Childhood trauma, in particular, can cause a person to abandon themselves and their own needs to survive.
As a consequence, girls become women who give their power to others, which eventually comes back to bite them and causes resentment. Though it might feel good to be trusted by her, if that trust is based on a lack of confidence instead of intimacy developed with you over time, then the trust is not about you. It’s about her unhealed wound.
The reason why she lacks trust in herself predicts future heartbreak for you. This means she can be influenced any which way the wind blows. She cannot be trusted to stand strong in her own moral compass because she has yet to develop one.
When a woman is strong in who she is, she can be a reliable teammate for you. Research shows that with the right support, resources, and therapeutic interventions, individuals can learn to overcome the impact of trauma, reclaim their sense of agency and autonomy, and rebuild their ability to trust themselves and others.
2. She lacks physical wellness
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When a woman is not physically well, she may lack the vital energy that is necessary to demonstrate love. A lack of physical wellness causes her to be distracted by uncomfortable physical symptoms, stagnant energy, and, oftentimes, low self-esteem.
All of these distracters can cause emotional upset and take away from her ability to love you. Emotion regulation is fundamentally connected to both physical and mental health, with effective emotional regulation correlating with relationship satisfaction and overall well-being, research has found. When someone is managing health challenges, the physical and psychosocial demands can reduce the time and energy available for maintaining relationship satisfaction.
3. She remains in uninspiring and/or disrespectful relationships
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Examine the various relationships in her life and you will discover how she really feels about herself (and about her life). If she allows herself to constantly be disrespected or in uninspiring relationships, then some part of her feels unworthy and inadequate.
The more unworthy she person feels, the more she will rely on you to define her worth; a codependent relationship leads to heartbreak. An emotionally solid woman has confidence. Humble, yes, but she also knows her worth and doesn't need anyone to create it for her.
Think of someone in business who gives all of their goods or services away for free or for much lower than their worth, versus someone who charges for the value they know they offer. The one who charges is clean and balanced mentally and emotionally, whereas the one who does not charge (or undercharges) makes others more important than their survival.
It is a weakness that they need to shore up, or else they will go broke. The same is true in love relationships. Women who don't value themselves likely have anxiety and depression, which can be a real heartbreaker for you.
4. She has a chronically pessimistic attitude
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A pessimistic and faithless attitude means a person lacks spiritual well-being. Because the highest and truest reason for a relationship is to put you in touch with your own divinity, this one is a deal-breaker. If she does not see life through a divine lens, she will not see the divinity in you, nor will she have faith in the relationship or its greater potential.
Studies of dating couples have found that optimism is associated with greater relationship satisfaction for both individuals and their partners, both immediately and over time. This pattern matters because positive relationship evaluation processes, which include hopeful thoughts about the future, are significantly associated with greater satisfaction, while negative evaluation processes linked to pessimism predict lower satisfaction
5. She refuses to take accountability for her actions
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Taking accountability is a skill that is necessary to maintain healthy relationships — whether romantic or platonic. A woman who is unable to own up to her actions and constantly denies any wrongdoing may be emotionally unstable. A mature adult can identify their issues and mistakes made. Reconciliation will be a struggle for the woman who lacks a strong emotional capacity.
Defensive denial directly undermines long-term relationship stability by escalating conflict rather than resolving it, with this pattern eroding emotional safety over time, studies have shown. A woman who is unable to own up to her actions and constantly denies any wrongdoing may be emotionally unstable.
6. She has no boundaries and doesn't respect the boundaries of others
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When you are constantly reminding her to respect your boundaries and to set limits with others, she may be emotionally unstable. A woman's self-esteem is tied to her boundaries. If she is unable to keep herself from crossing the line or telling others when they have done so, her self-esteem is low. The way she views her worth and importance has a lot to do with the boundaries she puts in place with those around her.
Research shows that establishing effective interpersonal boundaries relies on emotional awareness and regulation. People who struggle with boundary issues often have difficulty with emotional regulation, which affects their ability to maintain healthy relationships.
7. She struggles to commit to anything
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Is she constantly canceling plans? Do you watch her flake out on her friends and family? If yes, that is a clear warning sign. Commitment to anything or anyone is hard for her because she lacks trust in herself and others. She may even have a hard time defining relationship status because that means she has to commit to that role exclusively.
Emotional instability does not mean a woman is bad or ill-fated. It just means she needs to take the time to focus on her mental, physical, and spiritual health before she can contribute to a loving relationship. One thing is for sure: you should never wait around for someone to change. It may take forever.
Heather Hans, LCSW, MBA, is a Public Speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Intuitive Coach, Holistic Healer, and author of The Heart of Self-Love. Dr. Hans has appeared on multiple news stations and has been featured in Forbes, Fast Company, and PopSugar.
