3 Painfully Honest Reasons Why Finding Someone Is Difficult For You

You have to believe you deserve it.

Woman and man sit learning the real reasons why finding love again is so difficult for them. Syda Productions | Canva

I have concluded that life after divorce does not happen for those who decide that they don't want it. For some, the buck stops with their breakup, and moving on with life becomes difficult as they keep focusing on who did what to whom and why their exes still give them grief. If you're reeling from your recent divorce, here are three ways that you're limiting yourself from finding love again after a heartbreaking and broken marriage.


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Here are 3 painfully honest reasons why finding someone is difficult for you:

1. You keep focusing on what happened

Focusing on your past will keep you there. What you focus on expands and this is true of your divorce or breakup like any other thing you decide to focus on. What is done is done. What has happened, happened. You cannot wish your way back there, and no amount of wishing it were different, will help you change how things ended up. Instead, focus on what you have now and how you can use your experience of then to help you move forward to create something different. 


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2. You buy into angry and bitter thoughts

We live in a world where our thoughts determine how we feel, so no one can make us feel anything. We can do that very well on our own if we buy into the thoughts that are creating the feelings we feel. We cannot feel anything outside of ourselves other than our thinking! I often see clients who have bought into a story that isn't true. It's what we think about what has happened, that will keep us stuck in the anger and bitterness. Instead, become aware that your reality is made up of the thoughts that you choose to buy into. Once you have the awareness that the event or person itself is not the reason for your suffering, but your thoughts, the awareness will allow you to create the space for a new life to unfold for you. 

@drmarkhyman When it comes to mindset, most of us believe that changing our mindset begins with changing our thoughts. @melrobbins joined me on The Doctor’s to explain why thinking patterns don’t actually begin with a thought; rather, they are triggered by an emotion. Do you ever notice that you can be super frustrated or feel low energy, and if you go outside for a walk that within 10 minutes, you feel different? It’s because you have shifted your physiological state, and when you shift or relax your physiological state, you relax your mind. Find the full interview on The Doctor’s Farmacy. #melrobbins #drmarkhyman #mindset ♬ Steven Universe - L.Dre

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3. You make your ex more important than yourself

I often speak to women who want to make the change but who end up letting the fear of their own thoughts consume them and instead, decide to carry on in their own habits of thought, which is creating their own pain. In essence, doing this is, will ensure that they are putting their exes first before their own happiness — this is crazy! Instead, if you find your fear, preventing you from getting the help you know you need, please listen to your heart and not your fear. Your fear is just your thoughts not the reality of your situation. Your ex will live rent-free in your head and will guarantee you a one-way ticket to a loveless life! Having just got married and spent a wonderful few days on my honeymoon, I know that life after divorce does exist (only because I wanted it to).

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Marina Pearson is an effortless living coach, international speaker, blogger, and best-selling author of Goodbye Mr. Ex.