5 Painfully Honest Reasons You're Not Getting Dates

Now is the time to be brutally honest with yourself.

Woman having no luck dating Pavel Danilyuk, Viktor Gladkov | Canva

Is "no" a word you hear a lot in the dating realm? If it is, you may need to take a good, hard, honest look at yourself. No, it's not because you're intimidating to men, and it's not because every girl you go out with is emotionally unavailable. These are things your friends tell you to make you feel better.

Think about the basics you look for in a date. When your friend tries to set you up, you ask, "Is he cute?" and maybe, "Is she smart?" You continue to ask the question, "Is he funny? Charming?" Would someone answer "yes" to at least one of those questions about you?


Everyone's been rejected, and most people more than once. Most times, you can't take it to heart because we've all got our preferences. But, if you're one of those people who is consistently striking out, it might be time to get honest with yourself. Even people who reject you won't be brutally honest with you, and sometimes they can't exactly identify why they're not connecting with you. As a matchmaker, these are some of the most common reasons singles aren't finding dates...

Here are 5 painfully honest reasons why you have a hard time finding love:

1. You're shooting out of your league

You demand of others what you are unwilling to do for yourself. In other words, you keep going for the shredded gym rats, but you haven't picked up a weight in seven months. You want to date a financially stable professional, but you haven't held a job for longer than eight months. You're living in a fantasy instead of trying to connect with someone who has similar values. Try paying attention to the people who are interested in you, and note the people you get set up with. Check out that audience and give it a try.

@wemetatacme Every guy wants someone out of their league and every girl wants someone below #wemetatacme ♬ original sound - wemetatacme

RELATED: What It's Like To Date Someone Who's Wildly Out Of Your League

2. You've got a fixable physical issue

Shallow, but true. Realistically, you're not going to be attractive to everyone, but put your best YOU forward. Yellowing teeth is an easy fix, and so is bad breath. Smell nice, do your hair, work out, and smile a lot (smiling is an easy way to lift your looks).

3. You're not that interesting

You don't have any interests, hobbies, or funny stories, and you're just sort of surviving. People want at least a little excitement when they date, but you can't provide that. Interesting people are attractive, and your dates will want in on that lifestyle. Get a hobby, find an interest, get passionate about something. And, no, being a TV fan doesn't count.

@anayamakesfriends Replying to @🗿🗿🗿 the BEST way to level up wnd be the most interesting person in the room🌟#friendadvice #howtomakefriends #meetnewfriends #socialanxiety #introverted ♬ original sound - 🌟AnayaMakesFriends🌟

RELATED: The 2 Less-Obvious Reasons You Can't Find A Husband

4. Your humor is mean

A biting sense of humor or sarcastic wit is fun in a friend whom you've known since childhood, but this kind of humor during the first impression stage can be easily misunderstood. I've heard so many stories of people getting offended by something their date said, and when confronted the date will insist he/she was just joking. A little ribbing is okay, but a nasty sense of humor should be curbed in the initial stages.

RELATED: How To Stop Being Sarcastic (So You Can Stop Annoying People)


5. You're financially unwell

You don't have it together and people don't want to get complicated in that mess. No, I'm not talking about someone who's got student loan debt or going through hard times during the economy. I'm talking about someone who can't hold down a job and can't afford a night out every once in a while. When you're dating, you're looking for a teammate — someone who can carry his/her end of the team, not someone you have to carry. The only solution to this: get it together.

If you're finding you are being rejected all the time, you may fall into one of these categories. Make some tweaks to your choices, and get ready to reject rejection.

RELATED: Women Who Avoid These 24 Things Struggle To Find Love


Lauren A. Pena is a certified matchmaker and dating coach.