If He’s Only Feeling Friendship Vibes, These 10 Behaviors Will Totally Give It Away
Leilani Angel | Unsplash There's this totally awesome guy you know, and you're really digging him. You just know that the two of you would make the most perfect couple ever. The problem is that you're starting to suspect this man may not be digging you as more than a friend.
You're not sure of how to tell if this guy likes you and is attracted to you but hiding it, or if he simply sees you as just a friend or — gulp — one of the guys. I mean, you'd make the most adorable couple, right? But how do you know what he's thinking without going out on an incredibly delicate limb and straight-up asking him?
You feel pretty close to desperate to find some undeniable signs he's into you, too, and feels that same spark you feel — or to at least get some clarity that when he looks at you, he sees "friend" stamped all over your forehead. Here's how to know if he likes you, or if signs say your crush — (even though he's so perfect!) — sees you as "just friends" and not the woman of his dreams.
If he’s only feeling friendship vibes, these 10 behaviors will totally give it away:
1. He has all sorts of pet names for you, but ...
They're the wrong kind. They're not "baby doll," or "sweetheart." No, they're "dude," "yo," "bro," or "(your last name)." Research from The Kinsey Institute found that using affectionate nicknames and "baby talk" is a way to strengthen the emotional bond between romantic partners. It's something people do with someone they want to commit to, not someone they're keeping at arm's length.
2. He rarely calls or texts you first
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You're doing the heavy lifting for the friendship. He'll respond if you get in touch, but he doesn't call "just because." When both people reach out equally, it signals mutual investment. Psychologists point out that satisfying relationships are built on reciprocity, and when you're consistently giving more than you're receiving, like who always, always texts first, resentment tends to build.
3. He doesn't flirt with you in public
He may get cute with you when you're alone together, but when you're out, he shows no signs of flirting. Unless you're standing by your best friend, that is. And he's actually flirting with her.
Research on flirting and attraction shows that when someone is genuinely interested in you, their behavior changes the second you walk up. They make more eye contact, lean in closer, and become more engaged in the conversation.
4. He talks about other women
He can't stop telling you about this woman he's totally digging — and it's not because he wants you to feel jealous. Research from the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire found that men are more likely than women to see romantic potential in opposite-sex friendships, which means when a guy genuinely sees you as just a friend, he feels comfortable talking about his love interests around you. Researchers have pointed out that bringing up crushes and discussing dates is actually one of the clearest signs someone views you as a non-romantic presence.
5. He'll swing by your place ...
But only to borrow your PlayStation Portal and a couple of sodas. And maybe some food from the fridge. When a guy sees you as more than a friend, he's thinking about how to impress you and make you feel special, not what he can grab from your pantry. Relationship experts note that when someone treats you the same way they'd treat any of their buddies, with no special effort to connect or impress, that's a clear sign they've placed you firmly in the friend zone.
6. He looks at his phone more often than he looks at you
When you're out alone, he spends half the time texting other people, and a whole lot of them are other women. (Pretty much all of them are other women.)
One study found that attention is a critical factor in building intimacy, and when someone chooses their phone over you, it sends a clear message about where you stand. A guy who's interested romantically isn't going to risk losing your attention by giving his to someone else.
7. He has a self-imposed curfew
When you're out together without his buddies, he's always got to go home by a specific time, even though you know nothing is going on at home.
Romantically interested people invest more; they want to stretch out their time together, not cap it. Research shows that the most satisfied couples spend significantly more waking hours together than less satisfied ones.
8. He rarely makes plans in advance
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He only commits to hanging out sometimes. He doesn't seem to have a burning desire to see you.
Relationship experts point out that people in love rearrange their schedules and make sacrifices to spend time with the person they're interested in. If he's treating hangouts like something he'll fit in "if he has time" rather than something he's genuinely excited to lock down, that casual approach says a lot about where you stand.
9. You seldom go out just the two of you
When you go somewhere together, it's almost always with him and the guys. When someone is romantically interested, they'll make an effort to spend time with you alone, relationship experts have argued. They want that exclusive time to get to know you on a deeper level.
10. He's totally supportive...
Of you dating other guys. When he sees other guys hitting on you, he even gives you a high five rather than a jealous stare.
Research on mate guarding shows that jealousy is an adaptive emotion designed to protect a romantic bond from potential rivals. When someone has romantic feelings, seeing a competitor triggers possessive behaviors like vigilance and attempts to ward off the threat — so if he's not doing that, he's unfortunately not that into you.
Becky Sherrick Harks is a former contributor to The Stir, a digital creator, and project manager at Mamavation.
