Never Date A Person Who Broke Up With An Ex In Even 1 Of These 6 Ways
How someone ended their last relationship is a big indicator of how they'll end up treating you.
Ronise Da Luz | Unsplash There's no good way to break up with someone, especially when they want to keep the relationship going. But some ways are significantly worse than others. The way someone ends a relationship with someone says a lot about them, and it can be a major indicator of how they will treat you in the future.
A famous story from 2009 is that of Jarret Stoll, a professional hockey player with the Los Angeles Kings. He decided the best way to call off his impending wedding with Rachel Hunter (model and actress) was via an email blast.
And yet, many people who aren't even athletes break up in much worse, more hurtful ways than this every day. The good news for the rest of us? If we meet someone who has proudly dumped an ex via any of these methods, we can steer clear of them.
Never date a person who broke up with an ex in even 1 of these 6 ways:
1. They changed their relationship status on social media
In these modern times, it's as easy to change your social media relationship status as it is to post new semi-clothed wall photos of yourself looking hotter than ever. But you know what else it is? Tacky. And insensitive. And one breath shy of how a professional hockey player would ditch an ex-wife of Rod Stewart's.
Please, whether starting or ending a relationship, don't ever, under any circumstances, change your relationship status without consulting (or, in the very least, informing) the other person first.
2. They did it in public to avoid making a scene
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This is a sad, too-often seen rookie mistake in the school of dumping. You think that if you bring so-and-so to a public place, the dumping will be easier. They won't make a fuss. He or she won't yell at you or cry. He or she will politely finish eating dinner or drinking the round of beer you bought and then say, "I understand."
This is what you think will happen, but more often than not, what really happens is you come across as a bigger clown than you actually are, the person you're dumping actually does make a scene, and the two of you find yourselves sitting together awkwardly for way too long waiting for the check to arrive.
Of course, there are exceptions to this. If a person feels unsafe breaking up with an ex, doing it in public might be the best choice. But for most of us? No.
3. They sent it in writing, via a sticky note or otherwise
On a now-famous episode of Sex and the City, Carrie finds herself being dumped by Berger, her boyfriend of several weeks, via a sticky note. Now, we understand that in many situations, it's easier to put things in writing than to say them out loud.
But when it comes to dumping, it's just not fair to go this route. In the end, you do more than take yourself out of the relationship. You take away something else that's just as bad: the other person's right to express the hurt and anger they might feel toward you for breaking their heart.
4. They had someone else do it
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On the same episode of Sex and the City, Miranda shares a story of how one of her exes broke up with her in a manner rarely seen outside of sixth-grade classrooms: through someone else.
As Miranda explains it, "I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman. 'I'm sorry, Ms. Hobbs, Jonathan won't be coming down. Ever.'" Seriously, unless you're in grade school, deliver the news yourself.
5. They ghosted
This tactic is popular amongst daters, as one described, "Because it's easy. You just stop calling or answering the phone, and your problem is solved."
We don't have to explain to you why ghosting is terrible or why even a sticky note is a more sensitive way to cut things off. You already know. Dumping may be lousy, but it beats disappearing any day of the week.
6. They made the other person so miserable that they had to dump them
Some people, so afraid of delivering the dumping speech, would rather drive the other person to dump them than say the words themselves. Typical behaviors might include: cheating, berating, or yelling. It might seem tempting to go this route, particularly if you're afraid of confrontation, but keep in mind: just because you push the other person to say the words doesn't mean you're innocent.
You're actually guilty of causing more pain with this method than if you had just said, "We're over." And the worst part? It doesn't always work. Your other half may never dump you, and the two of you will be stuck together forever in the passive-aggression your relationship has become.
Kristin Meinzer is a news and entertainment writer for Newsweek, a podcast host, and the author of So You Want to Start a Podcast: Finding Your Voice, Telling Your Story, and Building a Community That Will Listen.
