Marriage Is Hard. These 5 Expert Tips Actually Help.
Relationship experts sound off on the strategies that can make even the toughest marriages stronger.
Tengyart | Unsplash From butterfly wings to hurricanes, ripples to waves, the little things can have a massive impact as they resonate higher and higher. Research from the American Psychological Association (APA) found that maintaining a long-term relationship requires conscious effort from both partners, an APA study found. When you both pay attention to the little details of love and companionship, it can take a stable and healthy relationship and elevate it to the type of relationship that becomes a beacon to light the way for other couples who might be struggling.
If your relationship needs a tune-up, these expert tips might help keep your relationship from going stale. If your relationship is already top-notch, these tips might help blast you out of orbit and leave your friends and family craning their necks to see how they can achieve the same relational success.
Marriage is hard, but these five expert tips can help:
1. Prioritize alone time together
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This might seem like a small thing, but the ability to be alone together is key to a successful relationship. We all need alone time, and being together and not being engaged but still having a connection shows strength and maturity in a relationship.
— Merle Yost, Author and Licenseed Marriage and Family Therapist
2. Acknowledging each other with gratitude
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In the intricate dance of marriage, the little actions can have the most significant impact. One of those small yet profound things is the art of appreciation. It may seem simple, but its effects ripple through a marriage, weaving a tapestry of love and connection.
Appreciation means regularly expressing gratitude and acknowledgment for your partner's efforts, qualities, and presence in your life. It's about recognizing and valuing the little things they do, the quirks that make them unique, and the love they bring into your world.
When someone feels their efforts are recognized and valued, they're motivated to keep investing in the relationship. This can lead to a positive cycle of striving to make each other happy.
— Clare Waismann, Life Counselor
3. Appreciating the little things about each other
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Make sure to say appreciative things to one another, even for the small stuff (e.g., Thanks for getting the groceries"). As a couples therapist, I can attest to the power of creating a marital culture of appreciation.
— Laurie Mintz, Psychologist and Author
4. Making space for quality time
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Quality time. Lives are so busy that couples struggle to keep up with all their duties and forget to carve out time to talk and create positive memories together. That can lead to a stale, lonely, less intimate marriage.
— Gloria Brame, Ph.D. therapist, author
5. Setting a positive tone
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Smile and set a friendly tone. Establishing a calm mood and purposely positive environment almost guarantees to elicit the same from your partner, thus creating a loop of love and joy bouncing back and forth between the two of you.
Reunions are a great moment to put this into practice daily. Greet your partner with kindness, love, and a sincerely happy hello. This seemingly small investment creates big returns.
— Eva Van Prooyen, Marriage & Family Therapist and Relationship Specialist
6. Paying attention to everyday courtesy
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It may seem small, but the person who consistently says "Please" and "Thank you" is likely kind and thoughtful in other ways. Everyday courtesy influences the giver and receiver and is rarely packaged with the hurtful opposites of contempt and criticism.
— Reta Faye Walker, Ph.D., Relationship Therapist
Keeping a relationship happy and healthy doesn't take back flips or grand gestures. The little actions we take every day to spend time together, show gratitude and appreciation, say please and thank you, and set a calm mood to come home to are all things we know and probably already practice.
When we put our minds seriously to the little things in our relationship, we will see a significant impact on the love generated and regenerated until our love lives become a perpetual love-generating machine.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
