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Marriage Expert Explains Why Some Men Have 'Crazy' Wives

Photo: KatarzynaBialasiewicz / CanvaPro
Husband looks upset while his wife argues with him.

According to one marriage expert, if your wife is "crazy," it's because you made her that way. 

Brandon Doerksen is a content creator who has dedicated his platform to empowering men in relationships, particularly when it comes to cultivating a healthy marriage. In a recent TikTok, he addressed any man who thinks that his wife is crazy, calling out the husband for causing her to become that way.

If you believe your wife is crazy, one marriage expert suggests that you might be the problem. 

When the honeymoon phase wears off, the kids leave the house, or you find yourself wondering what happened to the person you married, there’s a likely culprit: loneliness. Despite living in the same house or sharing the same bed, an overwhelming amount of partners today name “a disconnect” in their marriage for their unhappiness.

“Imagine living with someone that you feel chronically disconnected from for years," Doerksen explained. "Her anger, her irritability, her criticism — all of it is a symptom of a disconnected marriage."

   

   

If this is the case in your relationship, you’re not alone. Even if you feel like your wife or partner is "crazy,” selfish, or bored, look inward. Changing your own behavior is the key to changing your relationships with others.

"You have the power to change and restore your relationship. Lean in today," he advised.

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Doerksen admitted that a chronic sense of ‘disconnect’ with your partner can lead to unhealthy, unproductive, and toxic marriages. 

There are a number of reasons you might feel disconnected in a once loving and amorous relationship. Studies show that many partners find disruptions to daily life, excessive “criticism,” digital distractions, and a natural drifting apart to be common causes hurting marriages. 

While these culprits are easy to point out, they’re much more difficult to solve — and cracking this code in your relationship might just be what you need to come out stronger on the other side.

The solution? Open and honest communication, both with yourself and your partner. 

Doerksen highlighted that point, further suggesting that a lot of men’s resentment towards their wives stems from their inability to get vulnerable. They call their wives “crazy” for constantly “criticizing them” or asking for more, when, in reality, their wives are simply yearning for the basics they need. 

In the same vein, these men aren’t able to effectively communicate to their partners what they want and need, leading to a build-up of resentment and disconnect where nobody ends up happy. 

   

   

While it might be more socially acceptable for women to express their emotions, the truth is men feel them to the same degree. Whether it be a difficulty in articulating them or a fear of their partners’ responses, men often also struggle to get what they truly need from their relationships.

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Changing your perspective, dropping your ego, and being open to ‘healthy change’ can radically improve your relationship.

If you find yourself believing this “crazy wife” sentiment, it's time to get honest. Take time to really ask yourself what exactly your wife is doing that makes you upset. 

“Man to man, your perspective of your wife is the biggest roadblock you will face in healing your marriage," Doerksen explained. "Everything she says you’re doing wrong can be a burden or a shortcut to becoming a completely healed man.” 

“She sees the things you’re doing that you can’t see or don’t want to see," he continued. "We defend ourselves because we don’t feel capable of changing. Let this video be your green light to fully embrace a healing journey in your marriage.”   

The next time you feel aggravated or annoyed at your wife for “nitpicking” or “nagging,” remember that she needs love, care, and admiration just as much as you do. Set your ego aside, drop your pride, and be honest. 

   

   

“The biggest gift you can have is an angry wife clearly sharing what you're doing that’s frustrating her,” he added. “The moment you work through your pride and embrace growth, your ‘angry’ wife will go away.” 

As cliche as it sounds, communication is key to healing your relationship. Hear your partner out, try your best to not get defensive, don’t resort to being absent instead of communicative, and give yourself — and your partner — the grace you both deserve to grow. 

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Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango focusing on pop culture and human interest stories.