If A Man Isn't Meant For You, These 6 Nagging Feelings Are Often Your First Clue
abdurrahim | Pexels Are you wondering if a man you're seeing is meant for you? Dating isn't always easy, and neither is building a relationship. So, women often stay in relationships that are not quite right, believing the rough spots will smooth themselves out.
After all, no relationship is perfect, so you have to expect some problems, right? To a certain extent, this may be true. However, there are certain nagging feelings you may notice early on that indicate you may want to cut your losses and move on.
If a man isn't meant for you, these 6 nagging feelings are often the first clue:
1. You have nothing to say to each other
So, you're dating this guy, and the chemistry is amazing, but beyond that, you have no conversation at all. You don't share any common interests, and you stare at the walls when you spend time together. When your mother or grandmother told you to "marry your best friend," they were right.
Intimacy is very important for a healthy relationship. However, in real life, things like illness and age can cause it to take a back seat. So, for the sake of the long haul, it is important to have a partner you love to talk to.
2. You walk on eggshells
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Long-term relationships should be comfortable for both parties. A couple should feel like they are at home, in a haven, when they are together. "Difficult, toxic people want you to tiptoe around their egos, wants, power, and control needs, and they want you to expect nothing from them at the same time — you're just there to meet their needs," couples counselor Dr. Rhoberta Shaler explained.
While every couple can experience a touchy subject or two, if you are constantly watching what you say or do for fear it will make your new sweetie angry or hurt his feelings, look ahead five or ten years into the future. Is this really what you want?
3. If a man isn't meant for you, you'll feel uncomfortable
Now, I'm not talking about his annoying habit of pretending to pull away as you get in the car, but if there are bigger things you don't agree with, like his level of alcohol or drug use, think long and hard before committing to the long term.
Behavior is not something that is easily changed. It indicates a difference in values and outlook on life. If you're uncomfortable, you're uncomfortable for a reason. It's your inner wisdom saying, "This guy is not for me."
4. You can't discuss important things
I've already mentioned how important it is to be able to talk to your partner. And while not every conversation has to be deep, at some point, you need to discuss the things that will affect your future as a couple. Some people put off or shy away from these conversations until after they've been together for a long time, or worse, until they are married.
You need to know each other's views on marriage, infidelity, finances, children, and other important issues. These conversations don't have to happen on the first date (or even the 15th), but if you are never getting to it, if there is resistance to having the "deep" discussions, beware: this pattern may not change.
Worse, by not knowing how your prospective partner feels about these things, you could be in for a very rude surprise long after you have fully invested your heart and soul in the relationship.
5. You feel like he's lying to you
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The importance of honesty in a relationship cannot be emphasized enough. If your new boyfriend shows a pattern of lying to you, even about small things, pay attention. Even if you believe he only lies to others and not to you, think twice.
If he believes dishonesty is okay, it's only a matter of time before he lies to you. Outside of "No honey, you don't look fat in that dress," there is no place for lying in a relationship. Period.
"Deceptive behavior often emerges when someone confronts their partner with concerns, only to hear dismissive responses designed to undermine their partner's confidence in their own perception," explained therapist Dan Drake. "When ongoing mysterious communications are paired with unwavering denials, it forms a dynamic that relationship experts identify as calculated dishonesty, not innocent memory lapses."
6. If a man isn't meant for you, there's zero trust
For any relationship to survive happily for the long term, there has to be mutual trust. After all, not many couples can be by each other's side for 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Therefore, it is important that each person feels safe in the relationship. This feeling of trust and safety should not be dependent on constant texting or phone communication.
His afternoon with his friends should be uninterrupted by you, just as your shopping day or night out with your gal pals should be respected by him, under the assumption you both trust each other. The feeling of trust and safety in your relationship should come from the knowledge that you both hold it as being very important and special. The relationship is something that both of you are invested in cherishing and protecting.
If you feel a constant need to "check in" or "see what he's up to," that indicates a trust issue. The question is: What is behind it? Has your sweetie given you any reason not to trust, or is this your pattern with every romantic partner you have? If the latter is true, you may want to investigate your trust issues. A lack of trust can ruin a relationship.
"Trustworthy people can mess up, just like anyone else," psychotherapist Susan Saint-Welch pointed out. "But what's different about their mistakes is that their intentions and efforts will always be pure, and they will honestly work through their mistake and do what they need to make things right.
If you are experiencing one or more of these nagging feelings in your relationship, you may succeed in staying together, even for years. The prognosis for real happiness, however, is shaky. The truth is, if the above scenarios sound familiar, the man you're with simply might not be meant for you, as hard as that is to hear.
When conflict arises, which happens in every relationship, it will be much more difficult to navigate and keep the relationship intact. It will be difficult, if not impossible, for you to ever really relax and enjoy the relationship. It's true: no relationship is perfect, but I believe you can have a relationship that is perfect for you. Don't settle.
Akua Bediako is a certified relationship coach, a certified passion test Facilitator, and a member of the International Coach Federation and the Long Island Coaching Alliance.
