If A Man Does These 3 Things Online, He'll Be Amazing To Date Offline
The way a man acts online can tell you a lot about how he'll treat you in real life.
Behindthetmuna | Unsplash When it comes to online dating, there are a lot of signs you should definitely swipe left on his profile: Torso selfies. Tiger photos. Prematurely defensive attitudes and the phrase “Work hard, play hard.” But what about that elusive swipe right and match that makes you go “Yesss!” when you’re sitting at home on the couch in your sweats?
I asked a few of my girlfriends who have had good luck on dating apps if they thought the best guys using them had anything in common. Turns out that they do, so I’m sharing my findings with you!
If a man does these 3 things online, he'll be amazing to date offline:
1. His pics or bio line up with the things you're looking for
One of my girlfriends brought this up, and I thought it was such a clever point. When we’re looking through men’s photos in dating apps, each of us might find different things appealing or off-putting, so making hard-and-fast rules about that is kind of impossible. Instead, take a second to think of the “nonnegotiables” you need in your next relationship.
If you have to date a guy who loves dogs, look for pictures with dogs. (Obviously.) If you spend all your winter weekends skiing, snow photos are a must. If you like hiking, concerts, exotic travel, riding your bike to work ... You get the idea.
If this comes across as obvious, that’s because it kind of is. However, I think many women get caught up in looks, age, career, and other data points that have no actual correlation to whether you’d be happy with someone (I know I do). Focus on the tangible, positive aspects of his profile that make you think, “I think we’d have fun together.”
When a profile is authentic and detailed, it lessens the chance that the person will be significantly different in person. Research on online dating profile originality found that this transparency protects you from investing time in someone who has misrepresented themselves.
Takeaway Tip: I’ve said this before, but “Be the person you want to date” is still my motto. What I mean by that is, take your strong sense of self—your hobbies, your social life, your passions — and present it in your profile, and then go out confidently and find a guy who echoes your interests and values in his profile.
2. He asks thoughtful, specific questions about you
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I can’t even count the number of times I’ve found myself in the midst of a message exchange that I won’t even deign to call a “conversation,” especially on Bumble. I’ll get the ball rolling with a witty intro and then inquire about, you know, anything.
Eight times out of ten, the response is just an answer to the question and nothing more. What am I supposed to do with that? What are you supposed to do with that?
Read me loud and clear: Men who do not care to ask you about yourself, or understand that asking questions is an essential part of a conversation, are not worth your time. They aren’t “fixer uppers,” and they aren’t shy. They’re either immature, egotistical, or both. You don’t have time for that.
Nice, polite men who are on dating apps to actually connect with a potential partner will want to know all about you. And you’ll want to know about them! Messaging in these apps never feels completely natural, but ideally, there should be a balanced give-and-take happening, like a chat you’d have at the bar in real life. If it feels one-sided, he’s not one of “the good ones.”
Women report that online dating conversations tend to be one-sided, with men frequently failing to ask questions. A man who shows curiosity offline, in person, is already distinguishing himself from the frustrating norms of app-based dating.
Takeaway Tip: While it’s okay to “expect” certain things from a guy you’re hoping to date, remember that at the end of the day, apps can be hard for everyone. Keeping a conversation going when the other person doesn’t seem interested is never fun, and you shouldn't belabor it for too long. But if you do your part to stay engaged, you may find that the more effort you put into it, the more you’ll get out of it.
3. He won't spend more than a day or so messaging before arranging a date
Another pal of mine mentioned that the guys she’s liked the most have never spent too much time messaging before suggesting meeting up. The more we discussed it, the more I realized the same was true for me.
There’s definitely something to be said for taking time to feel out a total stranger before agreeing to meet up, but generally speaking, confident guys who are interested in getting to know you will want to get that date locked in and won’t delay in doing so.
The willingness to take the conversation offline indicates, at least to some degree, that a guy isn’t just on the apps when he’s bored. It sounds a little bit like a Goldilocks problem, but the nice guys on Bumble don’t ask what you’re up to right that second, and they don’t let the messaging drag on for too long, either. What else can I say except you’ll know it when it happens!
Extensive pre-texting can lead both people to build up a fantasy version of the other person in their minds. Meeting quickly allows you to assess the person and see if there is genuine chemistry, rather than building a connection with an idealized version, a 2021 study argued.
Takeaway Tip: You don’t have to wait for him to ask for your number. After I’ve talked to a guy for a bit on an app, I might say something like, “So-and-so, you seem like a great guy. If you’d like to grab a drink sometime, shoot me a text,” and then I give him my digits. That way, I’ve put the ball in his court, and he’s still the one who has to follow through with setting up the actual date.
Taylor Davies is a freelance writer and fashion stylist, and a former contributor to Verily.
