If Your Partner Seems Extra Ungrateful Lately, Science Says This Might Be Why
Another thing to add to the "relationships are hard" list.
PeopleImages | Shutterstock We have more than enough reasons to get a good night's sleep: improved memory, weight loss, less stress, the list goes on and on. But did you know that without catching enough z’s, your love life could also suffer?
That's according to a study conducted by researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, which suggested that sleep deprivation can make it harder for tired couples to value each other. So if you're feeling less than appreciated by your significant other, it may be because they aren't getting enough sleep.
If your partner seems extra ungrateful, research says it might be because they aren't getting enough sleep.
"Poor sleep may make us more selfish as we prioritize our own needs over our partner's," said Amie Gordon, a UC Berkeley psychologist and lead investigator of the study. "You may have slept like a baby, but if your partner didn't, you'll probably both end up grouchy."
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Over 60 couples, ranging in age, participated in the study. In one experiment, participants kept a diary of their sleep patterns and whether they saw the effects of their sleep in how they appreciated their significant other. In another experiment, couples were asked to complete problem-solving tasks together. The results from both of these experiments proved that poor sleepers had a harder time valuing their partners.
Overall, the study found it possible that lack of sleep might make it more difficult for people to practice gratitude and value their partners, said Gordon.
Taking some time to connect with your partner before bed can help you both sleep better.
We all know that sharing a bed with a significant other sometimes means sleepless nights, whether it's his obnoxious snoring or her late-night cookie-munching (and you waking up in crumbs). But it's been proven that how the two of you go to bed at night can dictate your relationship during the day.
So what's a couple to do? Both of you get some shut-eye, so your relationship can get up on the right side of the bed in the morning! And right before you climb into bed, take the time to say to your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or whoever, "thank you."
This research highlighted how sleep truly affects our love lives. Not getting enough rest can fuel conflicts and may even increase aggression towards your partner. Showing gratitude right before bed makes it one of the last things your partner thinks about before falling asleep, and makes them more likely to wake up in a better mood.
How can couples make sure that they have gratitude for their partner and marriage?
Gordon said it pretty simply, "Make sure to say 'thanks' when your partner does something nice. Let them know you appreciate them." Verbally express how much you appreciate what they do, or use your actions to show them. Give them a thoughtful gift or perform an act of service. A little gratitude can go a long way.
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However, keep in mind that just because the study found a link between poor sleep habits and lower gratitude doesn't mean the lack of sleep was the reason for the spouses' behavior. You always have to factor in the possibility that some partners just aren't grateful.
If you and your significant other are normally thankful for each other and only notice this bad behavior when you're grouchy and tired, it's time to work together to establish better sleeping habits. Set a joint nighttime routine that is easy to follow and that leaves some time for you to connect before bed. Establish a sleeping environment that is comfortable for both of you, whether that means sleeping together or separately.
Alexandra Churchill is a digital editor who currently works for Martha Stewart Living. Her work has been featured on numerous sites, including The Huffington Post, Her Campus, USA TODAY College, and Northshore and Ocean Home magazines.
