If A Marriage Feels Boring In These 11 Ways, It May Actually Be A Good Thing
La Famiglia / Shutterstock We place importance on having an exciting relationship. Some of us may be afraid of falling into a comfortable rhythm in our relationship. Some may believe that a boring relationship is a bad one, which is far from the truth.
In many situations, ‘boring’ relationships are ones of security. Sure, you may not get out on the town as much as you did in your early dating years, but that doesn’t mean your relationship is enduring a difficult time. It may, actually, be a sign of strength. People who stay together and form healthy, long-term relationships may see their lack of excitement as boring. In reality, they are staying true to one another and supporting each other along the way. These may be signs that your relationship is more stable than you know.
If a marriage feels boring in these 11 ways, it may actually be a good thing
1. You rarely argue
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Sometimes, we may think a little bit of drama is a good thing. Though it’s not a good thing, we may think heated arguments with our spouse make a relationship exciting. Let’s face it, everyone argues. However, if you can calmly reassess a situation and talk to one another with respect, you’re far from boring. Instead, you have a strong partnership that shows your love is a good thing.
Handling arguments maturely is an important aspect of every relationship. If you and your spouse have that down, your relationship is boring in a good way. Sure, the constant drama of our youth may have entertained us, but as married adults, this is a more positive relationship to have.
2. You feel secure
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The dating drama can be exciting. Playing the field is something we’ve all enjoyed at some point. However, as we get older, we need more stability. We may long for those moments of dating around and seeing what excitement was out there for us, but it’s not a sustainable lifestyle. If you’ve settled into a happy, secure marriage, your relationship may feel boring, but it’s one of the best things you can have.
Secure attachments make for happy relationships. Security is at the foundation of every happy relationship. If your marriage feels like it’s missing some excitement, the ‘boredom’ of stability is actually a good thing.
3. You have a predictable routine
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Our day-in, day-out routine may seem boring. We go to work, come home, make dinner, relax as much as we can, then do it all the next day. Where have the fun date nights gone? Why does every day feel the same? While this may be boring on paper, having a predictable routine shows a secure relationship. It may not be as exciting as the early years, but it’s a sign you have a solid partnership.
Predictability is positive for everyone. It has been shown to have lasting positive effects on children. Routines can form healthy bonds, and while they may feel boring, they provide security.
4. Silence feels comfortable
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When we picture an exciting marriage, we may imagine constant conversation and laughter. While every good relationship has this, there is also something important about feeling comfortable in silence. We’ve all experienced awkward silence. In a truly happy relationship, sitting in a quiet room together should feel natural. If it does, your relationship may feel boring, but in a good way.
Silence is good for our well-being. While we may want to spend our time constantly entertaining one another, silence is important. It’s a sign your marriage is in a good place.
5. You have shared hobbies
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When you first started dating, it was exciting to try new things together. Over time, those activities may have become shared interests. Connecting over hobbies is important. While you may wish you had some time to yourself, if your marriage feels boring because you are always doing the same things together, it can actually be a sign of strength. You have bonded over common interests and prefer to do them together rather than apart.
"Couples that have similar interests to a similar degree tend to have healthier relationships. These partners show interest in one another, think alike, share passion, enjoy similar adventures, and in the end, bond. These couples fight less because they generally agree on how to invest their energy and finances. Life is better in so many ways for couples who share interests," says Stephen J. Betchen, D.S.W.
6. You enjoy spending time together
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I’m in a happy and comfortable relationship. While I love spending time with my friends, sometimes, I just want to hang out with my partner. I genuinely enjoy our time spent together. It may be ‘boring’ to some people, but it’s a positive sign for our relationship. After all these years, we still want to do things together rather than apart.
Choosing to spend time together doesn’t make your relationship boring. Of course, it’s important to balance your social relationships, but being with one another is still important.
7. You trust each other completely
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Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. While jealousy may seem to be ‘exciting,’ it’s far from healthy. A jealous partner will go through your phone and try to dissect every friendship you have. This may seem like he cares, and makes your relationship more ‘exciting’ in a sense, but it’s not something that is sustainable long-term. What you truly need in a marriage is security.
Trusting one another fully is a powerful tool in a relationship. It reduces conflicts while increasing closeness. Trust is far from a boring trait in a relationship.
8. Mundane life feels good
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When we hear the word ‘mundane’, we instantly picture a boring life. One without anything exciting going on. Whether that’s in your marriage or in your personal life. In a healthy relationship, the mundane feels good. It’s a sign that you built a life you are happy with. It may seem boring, but it’s actually a positive side of being in a long-term relationship.
There is power in finding joy in everyday life. If you and your spouse accomplish that easily, your relationship may seem boring, but it is solid.
9. You feel passionate when it matters
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Just because you’re comfortable with your spouse doesn’t mean life is always boring. There are moments of passion when they matter most. Passionate love is an intense longing for one another. When you have a solid relationship, this comes naturally. Sure, it’s not every second of the day, but that’s realistic. Our lives fall into routines, but bringing moments of passion to your union shows that your life isn’t boring; it’s rooted in stability.
"People experiencing passionate love tend to experience very powerful feelings for each other. They need to be near the other person, may think about the other person constantly, and experience extreme distress when separated," says Kendra Cherry, MSEd. It's not realistic to think you will have these moments constantly. Having a healthy balance shows the strength in your relationship.
10. You have the same vision for the future
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Having the same vision for the future shows that while you may feel like your life is boring, it’s actually a good thing. While there may not be exciting moments of trying new things, you’re experiencing the stability many people long for. You and your spouse are on the same page. You’re happy to experience life with them just the way it is. It’s not boring if it brings you peace and comfort.
Many couples experience conflicting opinions on the future. They aren’t able to align their mutual goals. If you have that, you’re not in a boring relationship. You’re in a secure one.
11. You share everything with them
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I love confiding in my friends. I tell them just about everything. However, there are some things that I’d prefer to share only with my partner. He is the one person who I can say knows everything about me. I feel comfortable sharing what’s going on in my life completely with him. If you wish you were gossiping with your friends more, you may think your relationship is a little bit boring. In reality, it is built on a sense of trust and security.
Being vulnerable with someone isn’t easy. When you have a relationship where opening up feels natural, it’s special. There are no walls around a partnership like this. Vulnerability brings people together, making a relationship stronger, not more boring.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
