If A Man Says Any Of These 11 Things To His Coworkers, He's Secretly Miserable At Home
Men who say these phrases tend to be happier at work than they are at home.
LightField Studios / Shutterstock For men, it can be hard to face the pressure that comes with the outdated social norm that they need to be the primary breadwinners. Many women enjoy working outside of the home and can provide financial support for their families. However, for some husbands, going to work can be an escape from their home lives. While there may be an idea that being at home is less stressful than being in the office, studies have found that there can be less stress in the workforce.
Researchers found that there is significantly less stress in the workforce than at home for some. Men who are looking to escape a life at home that they are secretly miserable in, work can be the perfect place to do so. Paired with what career success brings to men in society, their career can turn into their primary source of confidence. When they’re at work, they may hint at their unhappiness at home. There are certain things they may say that show they’re happier at work than they are at home.
If a man says any of these 11 things to his coworkers, he's secretly miserable at home
1. 'I could use more overtime'
Jacob Lund
Overtime is an easy way to escape from life at home. For a man who is secretly miserable and putting more effort into working, it’s something his wife and children can understand. It doesn’t explicitly say he is unhappy, but when overtime is emphasized more and more, he could be subtly saying he’s avoiding his life at home.
The Federal Reserve Bank of Richmond found that married men work 20-30% more hours than single men. When work becomes a place of escape from their life at home, secretly miserable men will take more overtime.
2. 'Let's grab a drink. I'm not ready to head home yet'
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Everyone needs to unwind after a long day at work. Even if a man is happy at home, there will be days he needs an escape after eight hours in the office. However, when a man is constantly asking his coworkers to hit up happy hour with him, there may be a deeper reason for these actions.
Instead of going home to a wife and children, where he feels stressed, overwhelmed, and miserable, going out with friends can be an escape. It’s easy to pop into a local bar with the people he spent the workday with to avoid going straight home. Often, his family at home will understand he needs a break. They may not understand that the break he needs is from his life at home.
3. 'I could really use a break from my home life'
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When a man is struggling with his home life, he may find comfort in venting to his coworkers. If he opens up about how he needs his daily break from his family at work, he could be secretly hinting at how miserable he is. It turns out that supportive coworkers can improve the home lives of their struggling colleagues.
“We found that someone who benefits from a positive working environment with supportive colleagues is likely to pass on those benefits to their partner at home,” writes Greater Good Magazine. “In the other direction, a loving relationship at home is likely to translate into greater dedication and creativity in the workplace.”
Lending a helping hand to a coworker who is secretly miserable at home could, in turn, make them show more support to their family at home.
4. '[Insert any sarcastic comment about his wife]'
Dean Drobot
When a man is secretly miserable at home, he may make sarcastic comments at his wife’s expense to his coworkers. It will often come across in jest, but there can be secret malice in his comments.
“Chronically sarcastic people frequently rely on this obfuscation to express emotions and communicate. These folks also often harbor passive-aggressive characteristics and simply don’t have the ability to be real about emotions, or fear confrontation where they speak their mind,” says Anthony D. Smith, LMHC. “They therefore employ sarcasm, a sort of cloak-and-dagger approach to communication. It allows them to expel brewing contempt in a manner that feels safe.”
There is likely more to the sarcasm than just a joke. He may be revealing his true feelings about his partner.
5. 'My kids are a real handful'
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Let’s face it. Although most parents love their children unconditionally, it can be difficult to balance life at home when they are in rambunctious phases of their lives. Children can bring a lot of joy to their parents' lives, but that can also come with a lot of stress.
If you notice a coworker is constantly talking about how his children are a handful, he is doing more than venting. Most colleagues can relate to feeling overwhelmed by work and parenthood, but if he is coming off as resentful of his children and his home life, he is subtly telling you he is secretly miserable at home.
6. 'This job is my whole life'
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Those who work together understand the importance of each colleague's role within the company. Most of the time, they will usually refrain from telling everyone how crucial their job title is. However, when someone is unhappy at home, they could spend a great amount of time stressing about how important their work is and how they need to stay longer and do more for the company.
Secretly, he could be overworking himself and overselling his abilities to keep himself away from home. Studies show that there are men who use the importance of their job as a crutch to escape life at home. If he is always talking about his job and prioritizing it over his family, there is a chance he is secretly miserable at home.
7. 'I have more freedom here than I do at home'
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If you notice a coworker sharing stories about how he feels he has more freedom at work than he does at home, he could be secretly miserable. Work allows men autonomy that they may not find at home. When a family relies on him, there is pressure to deliver. His career makes it easy for him to focus solely on things he can control.
A man may be relieved at work when he is secretly miserable at home. Because he is allowed autonomy in the office, he’ll share how he feels he has more freedom at work. He will make it obvious that he feels happier in his career than in his home life.
8. 'It's nice to actually feel appreciated somewhere'
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There are many reasons why men may feel more appreciated in the workplace than at home. When there is pay involved, society views that work as more important than the effort that goes into life at home. If a male coworker is constantly talking about how great he feels at work and that he doesn’t get that same respect at home, he could be secretly miserable.
He may feel that he doesn't get appreciation from his wife the way he does from his colleagues. Long-term relationships come with expectations. He may be expected to perform certain tasks and not receive an outright ‘thank you’ from his spouse. He could feel more validated by the responses he gets from his coworkers.
9. 'Do you feel stressed when you go home?'
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If someone is secretly miserable at home, they may find it helpful to seek validation from their coworkers. There is strength in numbers, and feeling like they’re not alone can help. For someone unhappy with their personal life, they may seek that reassurance from the people they work with.
Have you heard of the term ‘office spouse ’? It refers to the close bonds someone may share with a coworker. When the boundary is healthy, they can confide in this person about their troubles at home. When they relate and find solace in their coworkers' shared struggle and are constantly seeking validation from them, they may be miserable at home.
10. 'My family is great, but...'
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It can be expected for colleagues to share bits of their lives. They’ll share photos, tell stories, and make sure to give their spouse the props they deserve. It’s not uncommon for people to play up how wonderful their life at home is, even if they don’t necessarily believe it. However, if a man is giving compliments to his wife but adding ‘but...’ to the end, he could be secretly showing he is miserable at home.
He will likely make backhanded compliments directed at his partner. It may appear he is saying something kind about her, but there will be an edge to it. It will be easy for his colleagues to pick up on his misery at home.
11. 'It must be nice to not have kids'
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It’s not uncommon for people to envy what they don’t have, even if they are truly happy with the lives they have made for themselves. Most parents would not trade their children for anything, but there are moments when they may wish they had the freedoms of their unmarried, child-free coworkers. From the outside looking in, other people’s lives can always look better.
If you notice a male coworker is often talking about how he envies the bachelors of the group, he could be secretly miserable at home. He may not regret his marriage or children, but he could secretly miss the freedom that came from his life beforehand.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
