My Husband Was Trying To Control Me — But I Missed This Crucial Sign While It Was Happening

This behavior should've been a huge indicator to me that my husband was possessive.

Woman in comfy clothes while her husband is at a party surrounded by her friends MART PRODUCTION via Canva | Denniz Futalan via Canva | Kitkat Pajaro via Canva

My childhood best friend and I both got married in our late teens.

At first, we assumed we’d be able to enjoy double dates and gatherings that included our spouses.

Unfortunately, my husband took a nearly immediate dislike of her husband, and our dreams of weekend trips and double dates were dashed.

When my best friend invited me to a party at the home she shared with her husband, I wasn’t excited. I was sad.


I knew my husband wouldn’t want to go.

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I told him about the party, and I tried to convince him that going together would be a good thing.

We wouldn’t have to stay late, I assured him. He probably wouldn’t even have to talk to my friend’s husband. There would be plenty of other people there, including me.

He scowled and said he wouldn’t be going to the party.

"That’s okay," I said. "I guess I could go alone."

He scowled again. "Absolutely not," he said. "You’re not going to a party alone."

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I tried to reason with him, but he would not be reasoned with.

"She’s been my best friend for nearly our entire lives," I said. "I’ve known her since before kindergarten, and I’ve known him longer than I’ve known you. They’re like family."

My husband remained unmoved.

"You’re not going without me," he said.

As the day of the party neared, I attempted to change his mind repeatedly.

I didn’t try to convince him to attend; I knew that would be a disaster. But I tried to convince him to "allow" me to go alone.

I’ve since come to realize a woman doesn’t need a man to "allow" her to do anything she wants to do.

Sadly, at the time I felt I needed to seek his permission to go to my friend’s party without him, and he steadfastly said, "No.”


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The night of the party arrived. I didn’t bother to shower or dress or get off the couch. After all, I’d already told my friends that my husband refused to allow me to go.

So I was settled in for the night when I saw my husband getting ready for … something.

"Are you going somewhere?" I asked.

He looked at me as if I had two heads. "I’m going to your friend’s party," he said.

"But I thought you didn’t want me to go," I replied. "I’m not ready."

"You’re not going," he said. "Just me." 

With those words, he put on his coat, grabbed his car keys, and left me behind with the cat and my thoughts.


He didn’t arrive home until the wee hours of the morning; he said he’d had a wonderful time.

If you think you may be experiencing emotional abuse, you are not alone.

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong.

If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474, or log onto

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Tracey Folly is a writer who has been contributing lifestyle and relationship content to the Internet since 2009.