If A Husband Cannot Be Trusted, He’ll Usually Do These 10 Things Over And Over
macondofotografcisi | Shutterstock There are certain signs wives look for to determine if a husband is trustworthy. In the dance of marriage, men and women can find themselves moving to different rhythms. While a husband might think everything is fine, his action or inaction might unknowingly trigger distrust in his wife. Research has suggested that what he views as innocent behavior can send a completely different message to her, one that makes her feel insecure about the relationship or about him.
Husbands, it's crucial to recognize that your wife’s emotional landscape is far more sensitive to certain things than you may realize. Once you understand these missteps, you’ll be better equipped to build the kind of emotional security your wife craves.
If a husband cannot be trusted, he’ll usually do these 10 things over and over:
1. He tends to stay vague about his day
A wife’s emotional connection with her husband often thrives on the small, daily, intimate exchanges. When you come home after work and simply say, "It was fine," or worse, remain silent about your day, it can create an emotional gap.
Women value knowing the details about what went well, what did not go as planned, and who you spoke with. By withholding this information, even unintentionally, your wife might feel excluded, like there's a secret part of your life in which she is not a part.
How to fix it: A study suggested sharing more of your day with her. It doesn't need to be a detailed rundown of every meeting, but simple conversations about your interactions, what made you laugh, or how you felt about something will build trust and emotional intimacy.
2. He shuts down emotionally
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Sometimes, husbands retreat emotionally or leave the room when their wives are upset or going through a hard time. You might think you're giving her space, but what she's often looking for is your support, comfort, and validation. If you shut down or change the subject when she seeks emotional connection, it can make her feel rejected or that you're not interested in understanding her.
How to fix it: When your wife is upset, don’t try to fix things right away. Simply listen, offer empathy, and let her know you’re there for her. Showing your emotional availability helps her trust you’ll be there when it matters most.
3. Husbands who can't be trusted get secretive about their phone or social media
In today’s world, a husband’s phone or social media presence can become a minefield. Research has shown that if you’re overly protective of your phone by always locking it, quickly closing apps when she walks by, or keeping passwords to yourself, your wife may start wondering what you're hiding. Even if you have nothing to hide, this secrecy creates an atmosphere of mistrust.
Fix it: Be transparent with her about your phone, messages, and social media accounts. You don’t need to share every single conversation, but offering her access and reassurance can help her feel secure in your relationship.
4. He minimizes or dismisses your concerns
When a wife expresses concerns about something, whether it’s about the relationship, her feelings, or an external issue, a husband’s tendency might be to minimize her worries or offer quick solutions. This dismissive approach can make her feel unheard, as though her emotions are not valid or her worries are unfounded.
How to fix it: Take her concerns seriously. Instead of immediately offering solutions, listen carefully and validate her feelings. Let her know her emotions matter to you and that you’re willing to explore the issue together.
5. Husbands who can't be trusted are constantly defensive
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If your wife brings up something that’s bothering her and your first reaction is to get defensive and explain why it’s not a big deal, blame her for overreacting, and say her concern is ridiculous, it can lead to a breakdown in communication. Studies have suggested that over time, constant defensiveness creates an emotional distance and may lead your wife to question whether you truly understand her or value her feelings.
How to fix it: When she points out something that bothers her, take a deep breath and listen before responding. Acknowledge her perspective, and then express your thoughts calmly. It’s not about being right; it’s about fostering understanding.
6. He neglects to plan time for you
Life gets busy, and it’s easy to let date nights or quality time together slip through the cracks. But when a husband stops making an effort to spend time with his wife, whether it’s planning a date night or simply sitting down for a conversation, it can make her feel neglected and unimportant.
How to fix it: Make a conscious effort to plan time for her, even amidst the busyness of life. Whether it’s a surprise date or a quiet evening together, show her she’s a priority in your life.
7. Husbands who can't be trusted hide financial details
Money matters are one of the biggest sources of stress in marriage, and secrecy or dishonesty about finances is a sure way to erode trust. One study explored how, whether it's hiding purchases, not sharing financial decisions, or keeping financial difficulties to yourself, this lack of transparency can make your wife feel insecure about your commitment to the relationship.
How to fix it: Be open about your finances. If you're facing financial stress, talk about it together. Work as a team to solve any issues and ensure she feels included in the decision-making process.
8. He flirts with others, even innocently, in front of you
What might seem like harmless flirting to you can feel like a betrayal to your wife. Engaging in flirtatious behavior, even if it seems innocent or unintentional to you, can lead her to question her worth in the relationship. It erodes her sense of security and emotional connection, leaving her feeling neglected or unimportant, as if your attention and affection can be easily diverted elsewhere.
How to fix it: Be mindful of your behavior around other women. While it's natural to be friendly, your wife should never feel like another woman has more of your attention or affection than she does.
9. Husbands who can't be trusted dodge uncomfortable conversations
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To avoid conflict, many husbands will sidestep difficult conversations and hope the issue will go away on its own. However, unresolved issues often fester and create mistrust. A study helped explain that when you avoid discussing problems, your wife might feel like you're not invested in solving the issue or, worse, you're not fully committed to the relationship.
How to fix it: Engage in open and honest conversations, even when it’s difficult or uncomfortable. It’s better to address difficult issues head-on than to let them erode your connection over time.
10. He takes you for granted
When you get too comfortable in your marriage, you may forget to show appreciation for your wife’s efforts. A lack of gratitude, whether it’s for her support, her care for the home, or her emotional labor, can make her feel undervalued. Over time, this neglect can lead her to question your commitment and loyalty to her.
How to fix it: Take time to express appreciation for the little things she does. A simple “thank you” for the everyday efforts she puts into your relationship and home can go a long way in rebuilding trust and deepening your connection.
The key to maintaining trust in your marriage lies in being emotionally present, transparent, and appreciative of your wife’s feelings. She is your partner in life and your emotional counterpart. She craves the same things you do: security, affection, and respect.
By understanding the subtle ways your behavior might be causing her to feel mistrust and making the small but powerful changes to foster intimacy and connection, you’ll help create the kind of marriage where both partners feel heard, valued, and loved.
Richard Drobnick, LCSW, DCSW, is a therapist and the Director at Mars & Venus Counseling Center in Bergen County and Morris County, New Jersey.
