How To Get A Boyfriend In 10 Simple Steps

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man and woman kissing

Learning how to get a boyfriend is a complex, frustrating, and sometimes very counterintuitive process for some women.

Here are the most powerful tips, tactics, and techniques you can use to get a guy to like you and want to be in a relationship with you.

10 tips on how to get a boyfriend

1. Understand that most guys like the chase a little too much.

You need to realize that men are kind of like cats. Just hear me out.

Ever see the variety of cat toys out there? They're shiny, sparkly, colorful, some of them make noise (and all kinds of noises), shaped in all kinds of ways, with various textures, sizes, and some are even meant to stimulate different parts of a cat's brain.

When you dangle a sparkly, plush fish with bells attached to its fringe, and make sure it remains slightly out of reach, a cat will literally go crazy for it. They jump around, chase, sprint, go full warp-speed and do pretty much anything it can to to catch this "just out of reach" little plush fish.

Bizarrely, guys are exactly the same when it comes to dating women. If you're fun, exciting, playful, flirty, and constantly just out of reach, then he's more likely to desire you and chase after you.

But don't worry — this is a phase that men grow out of once you're in a committed relationship, assuming he's actually boyfriend material.

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2. Keep yourself healthy, looking and feeling great (inside and out).

Going to the gym in and of itself doesn't make you fit. Eating right isn't the only important factor for staying healthy either. You need to take a holistic approach to ensure your overall well-being, including your physical, mental, emotional, and social health.

High-value men aren't looking exclusively for a skinny woman, gym bunny or nutritionist who's obsessed with juice cleanses. However, studies show that both men and women are naturally attracted to someone who appears to be healthy. So overall health should be a priority for you — regardless of whether you're looking for love.

3. Dress to flaunt what you have, not the next "it" thing in fashion.

Being trendy and au current on all things can fashion can certainly be fun, but if you're keen to get a boyfriend, you should think more about dressing attractively to accentuate your best features. Think about it this way: fashion is about women dressing for women. Wearing what works for your body is about dressing for yourself and looking alluring to men, too.

Most men just don't care about whatever's on trend. Plain and simple. But they do notice when you look your best.

4. Refrain from being overly negative.

Are you a bubbly person, a pessimistic person, or a quiet person? Most people don't want to hang around with someone who's negative and brings down everybody's mood around them, or who's always critical and making them feel bad, no matter how gorgeous that person is. Think about it; would you want to be around someone like that?

Men love women who are fun and positive. When I talk about being a fun and positive person, I don't mean some sort of impossible happy-all-the-time-no-matter-what Pollyanna. You're allowed to — and should — have emotional depth.

Maybe think about turning up the optimism a little, try to see the good in the world or, at the very least, flash a smile around a guy you're hoping to enchant.

5. Have your own life (and enjoy it!)

If you want to know how to get a boyfriend, you absolutely need to remember how important it is that you have your own life.

Again, this comes down to the fact that guys don't want what they can easily obtain. And that means that, if you can donate all of your time to them, you're completely available to them. This usually comes across as clingy and desperate, so men will immediately turn and run the other way.

You don't want to always be around and, if you have a scheduling conflict, don't cancel it to hang out with your guy! Make sure you have — and keep — your own life, interests, and fun things to do. This will make you seem way more valuable in his eyes and you'll be maintaining your self-value for your own wellbeing.

6. Learn how to keep him — in and out of the bedroom.

While figuring out how to get a boyfriend to like you is important, learning how to keep him is crucial if you want things to progress to becoming "official" status.

There are so many ways to do this: become invested in each other's mutual interests, share different life experiences together — whether it's ziplining or attending your Aunt Carol's big birthday bash, be there for him in a rare moment of vulnerability, and all kinds of other bonding events over time.

It also doesn't hurt if you know how to be great in bed.

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7. Don't date out of desperation.

Don't get too ahead of yourself. Finding out how to get a boyfriend who's the right boyfriend for you takes time. If you just jump into a relationship with the first guy who shows the slightest bit of interest, chances are you'll end up unhappy.

It's important to know exactly what you're looking for and not to settle until you find it.

8. Put yourself out there.

Though dating apps and online dating are useful for finding a date, they're only the first step. You're not going to meet a guy by sitting at home every night behind a screen.

Don't fall into the dating app trap of becoming pen pals and never meeting in person. You'll never know the true potential of a relationship unless you meet in person to see if there's chemistry there!

9. Learn how to flirt well.

If you're not openly flirting with people you're interested in, how will they ever actually know you're interested in them?

Guys are shy too, so don't wait around for someone to make the first move. Make eye contact, use body language, like leaning towards him in a certain way to make it known that you're into him.

10. Don't wait for the "spark."

If you're banking on getting that "love at first sight" feeling and ignoring any guy who you don't feel fireworks with, you're drastically lowering your chances of meeting a great guy.

Long-term relationships don't always form out of a "spark," and there's no set age for when you're "supposed to" have a boyfriend. In fact, some of the best relationships start as platonic friendships, giving you a chance to really get to know each other without any pressure.

In modern dating, it's easy to get caught up in being with someone who never wants to define the relationship and take on that 'boyfriend' label.

Situationships are all too common these days, as are frustrating dating issues like breadcrumbing and orbiting, which leave you wondering where you stand with him.

A real boyfriend is one who is not afraid to claim you. He'll define the relationship when you're ready and make it known that he's yours. Now that you're equipped with the tools to find him, get out there and claim him!

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Sean Jameson is the creator of the Bad Girl's Bible, a resource for women looking to improve their love lives and have more fun with their partner.