How To Spot A Pick Up Artist — Before He Seduces You

Photo: Shutter z / Shutterstock
man flirting with woman at bar

There is a whole underground movement focused on how to pick up women. Some men have actually formed clubs and called themselves Pickup Artists (PUA). They study methods to pick up women and seduce them. The goal is to have their way with countless women in order to boost their egos and gain power.

As a dating coach for women, I want you to know about the methods of these men and how to avoid falling for their tactics.

Here is how to spot a pick-up artist — before he seduces you:

1. He establishes a strong connection

How many times have you met a man and told a girlfriend about the strong connection you felt with him? That's how you experience hot chemistry.

A man skilled in the art of seduction knows the way to appeal to most women is through conversation. He knows when a woman falls in love, it starts in her mind. Of course, physical attraction is part of the appeal, but it really begins with an amazing conversation. This is how the seductive man persuades you to let down your guard and let him into your life.

How to recognize this method: This is a tough one to spot right away. The smart solution is to take things slowly so you get to know the man and he proves himself with consistency over time. You want to avoid being swept off your feet so you don't get dumped on your butt after he's had his fun with you. Sometimes a man will share intimate details so you think he is being real, but this is another trap. His ability to share is not necessarily a sign that he's really into you so don't make this false assumption. It can be his technique to create a false sense of intimacy.

RELATED: 7 Subtly Brilliant Ways To Get A Man To Do Anything You Want

2. He keeps you off balance

Once a seductive man sets his sights on you, he will come on strong right away. He'll use a combination of "push and pull" which will confuse you.

You won't know what to expect next from him and this causes you to feel off balance and uncertain about what is happening between the two of you. The technique is designed to make you become the aggressor because the seductive man knows once he pulls away, you'll try hard to get his attention back. Then he's got you. As a result, you will likely do things you might not normally do.

How to recognize this method: He'll pursue you aggressively, initiate conversation and keep it flowing. He'll flirt with you and make you feel like he's totally into you. Then, just when you start to open up, he'll pull back and become more aloof, suddenly seeming distracted or disinterested. If you are with a group, he may even ignore you and talk to your friends. Should you encounter a man who seems all into you, then does a 180 and becomes aloof, that's your cue to walk away. He's either using seduction methods or doesn't know what he wants and neither makes him the right man for you.

3. He creates an air of mystery 

Women are captivated by a mysterious man. It's your nature and the seductive man plays on this knowledge.

The less he tells you about himself, the more you'll want to know and you'll crave details about his life. You may think about him obsessively and find him to be quite exciting. When you take a step back to look at this objectively, your behavior makes no sense. This is part of the irrationality of attraction that he is using to his advantage. You can't wait to see him because you yearn for him to reveal his secrets to you.

How to recognize this method: One technique the seductive man uses is to act interested in you, but not share why he feels this way. A skilled guy can create mystery through conversation (similar to Method #1), asking you deep questions to discover and focus on your interests, but not revealing a thing about himself. He might also say something like, "I can't explain why I feel closer to you than anyone I've met before." This kind of statement pulls you to him and you start to feel the same way.

RELATED: 6 Secrets Nobody Tells You About Winning (And Keeping) A Man's Heart

4. He looks deeply into your eyes

The seductive man knows how to use intense eye contact to convey his interest in you. According to social research, most extended eye contact is reserved for lovers, mothers, and their children. By gazing into your eyes, it seems like he is looking into your soul. This method takes some practice on his part because if he lingers too long, it comes across as staring and feels creepy.

How to recognize this method: This is an easy technique to recognize. Extended eye contact can feel wonderful if done well because, in a way, it communicates that he has the ability to really see you for the wonderful woman you are. It's like the seductive man gets you and this creates a strong bond. Many women long for attention and recognition, and long gazes tend to do the trick. Enjoy the eye contact, but don't think he can really see your soul.

5. He's in a rush to know you and be intimate 

After the seductive man draws you into his web by telling you he feels close to you instantly, looking deeply into your eyes and talking about all the things you enjoy, he'll make his move.

You feel completely swept up in his charm and aura and want to throw caution to the wind and just go for it. The passion is at a fever pitch. Not all seductive guys will do this on the first date, but this is a strategy I've seen often. It's very effective because women usually don't even realize what is happening when they are so excited.

How to recognize this method: You're in a whirlwind of emotions. You can't believe this is happening to you. He is so dreamy and exciting. Normally you wouldn't consider sex on the first date, but with this guy, you can't imagine refusing. His magnetic pull is consuming. That's when you need to hear the warning bells ringing! Clang, Clang, Clang! Your date is seducing you and you're falling for his act. Sadly, this will be short-lived and you'll probably never see this guy again. He may text or call. But usually, once the conquest is over, he moves on to seek the next woman.

RELATED: 5 Little Tricks To Make Him Choose You Over Her

How to avoid his seductive moves

The best way to elude the seductive man is not to fall for these tempting methods! Keep him at bay and make him wait so that you can see what his true intentions are. If he's into a quick tryst, he'll soon tire of waiting and move on. Avoid doing these things:

  • Be too available.
  • Drop other plans for him.
  • Indulge in a marathon first date lasting for hours.
  • See him several times in the first week.
  • Share all your personal information or stories.
  • Talk for hours on the phone or text constantly.
  • Fall in love before you know he is worthy of that privilege.

Use positive neutrality to maintain balance

I share this powerful method to remain balanced with my dating coaching clients. The Positive Neutrality method allows you to feel the fun and excitement of a new man while encouraging you to have a "Wait and See" attitude. He needs to prove himself to you and earn your trust. Observe him to see if he pursues you consistently (at least weekly), is a man of his word, spends time with you, respects your schedule, and doesn't exhibit any controlling behaviors.

Don't overthink this. There are plenty of great guys out there to date who want a genuine relationship. They might not be as smooth or charming as the men who study and use these methods of seduction, but they make excellent romantic partners for a loving relationship that lasts.

RELATED: The Best Way To Approach A Guy If You Want To Attract His Attention

Ronnie Ann Ryan has been a love & relationship life coach for more than 20 years. She's the author of MANifesting Mr. Right: It's Never Too Late to Find the Love You Want.