5 Honest Thoughts Men Have About Intimacy (But May Never Share With You)

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Man and woman kissing

You might be a little anxious about what your husband or boyfriend might plan for a special evening, like an anniversary, a weekend away, or Valentine's Day.

If he’s a long-range planner, he already has an elegant dinner arranged and a thoughtful gift just for you. If he’s not, he will be at the flower stand in the train station and manifest the perfect little hidden gem of a getaway.

After you have had your wonderful meal and thoroughly gushed over your gift, he will be looking forward to the rest of the evening. He desires to be close, but he may be nervous about it.

Most men aren’t looking for a hookup. Yet, men in love are expecting the night between the two of you to be special.

When I asked several guy friends what they were concerned about but might not tell you, they offered these five ideas.

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Here are 5 honest thoughts men have about intimacy but may never share with you.

1. He wants you to practice the art of seduction.

If you are open and very conscious — meaning you understand your worth — you can easily seduce him just by how you look at him or how you lean in and softly touch his arm or leg.

What man isn't going to respond to that?



2. He wants you to take charge and be creative sometimes.

Men love it when you can tease and be playful. It intensifies the moment, makes alone time with each other more enjoyable and he will want more.

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3. He wants you to be open and honest.

There is nothing worse than realizing your lover is going through the motions with you. Even though it might initially sting that he isn't pleasing you, he wants to.

So tell him. Be open and honest about what you desire from him intimately so he can meet your expectations. Challenge and acknowledge him. If he’s doing it right, let him know. He’ll love to hear it.

couple face each other in communication

Photo via Getty

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4. He wants you to know that he’ll never beg.

Some men have a problem feeling vulnerable, especially to their spouse. They would prefer to find other means of fulfilling their pleasure, either by themselves or online. In reality, that won't make the relationship any better, so no matter how unromantic scheduling intimate time together may be, try it out.

When Brittany Gibbons and her husband took on this project for a year, it changed how they viewed their marriage and themselves.

5. He wants you to know he has anxiety about his performance.

We fondly remember the days when we were younger and more exuberant. These days, not so much. If we don’t prepare, we may fall asleep on the couch. If we finally get to be close to each other, we hope it lasts long enough to turn the lights out.

If men address these intimacy concerns and overcome them, it will be a catalyst that will enhance intimacy in your marriage.

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Keith Dent is a writer, blogger, and certified empowerment coach. He is the author of In the Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love.