16 Harsh Relationship Truths You Don’t Believe Until You’ve Been Burned
Love isn't always beautiful — sometimes it's brutal, and these are the lessons it teaches.
Vitalii Khodzinskyi | Unsplash Relationships aren't the fairytales we grew up watching. Love isn't about perfect matches or happily-ever-afters — it's about growth, compromise, and sometimes heartbreak. The ups and downs of modern dating look nothing like the movie version, and no one really understands that until they've lived through it. People are always looking for answers when it comes to love and relationships, hoping to find the secret to making them last.
One person took to Quora to ask a brutally honest question: “What's the harsh truth about relationships?” The answers poured in from people who've been burned and learned the hard way what love really takes. Out of hundreds of responses, these are the most eye-opening and painfully true lessons about relationships — the kind you don't believe until life proves them right.
16 harsh relationship truths you don't believe until you've been burned:
1. Texting isn't a relationship
"If someone only wants to text you online and never makes any plans to see you. Know this is all the relationship will ever be. You’re a time filler, and you are not the only one they text. If you are looking for something more, move on."
2. Real relationships take hard work
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"My brutal truth is that relationships require work. So much work. Difficult work. They require that you truly and honestly assess your own behavior, not just your partner's. They require that you compromise. (I mean it, actually, compromise) They require admitting when you are wrong. I know, this can be very difficult."
3. No two relationships are the same
"Just because people used to stay married to their high school sweetheart until death doesn't mean that behavior applies to society today. Most of the beliefs of being together forever came from older generations not having access to communicate with anyone outside their immediate proximity or network of current relationships. Introduce the Internet, and Boom! - We are free to be who we want."
4. Commitment still matters
"The brutal truth is it takes a commitment that people of today just can't hack. A relationship without commitment will never survive. One must be all in if it's to last."
5. No one's perfect
"The brutal truth about relationships is that once we enter into them, we discover how imperfect our partners really are. The question is, can you deal with their imperfections regardless?"
6. Everyone's a little selfish
"The most brutal truth about relationships is that all relationships are based on mutual convenience and self-interest. The concept of unconditional love is fiction, which does not exist in the real world."
7. The red flags were probably always there
"The warning signs were probably there all along, but you just didn’t want to see them. One of your friends or family probably even tried to warn you, but you didn’t listen. Your spouse probably didn’t suddenly become the kind of person who cheats or abuses you or is bad with money. They were probably like that the whole time, you just didn’t see it or didn’t listen."
8. You'll never fully know someone
"For me, the most brutal truth about relationships, both romantic and platonic, is that you might think, tell, and even convince yourself you truly know a person when in fact you will never know all of them."
9. Love alone isn't enough
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"Love is not enough to maintain a relationship. You need respect, friendship, companionship, understanding, trust, honesty, and communication."
10. Happiness starts with you
"Happiness can never be found in another person. If you are not happy already, starting a relationship with someone will eventually spread your unhappiness to them."
11. Nothing lasts forever
"Everything is temporary. No matter if the relationship has a duration of 10 minutes or 100 years, one of you will leave the other at some point."
12. Sometimes, you just have to chill
"The brutal truth is, if everyone could learn to sit back, relax, trust, and let one another be, relationships would last. It is unfortunate, though, that most of us bring past experiences and beliefs with us into our new relationships."
13. Growth means knowing when to move on
"That you need to move on if it’s not the right person. And to keep looking, while improving yourself, redefining and self-tuning what is important to you (not to the world) to find what and who will make you (truly) happy and at peace with yourself and others, this special relationship that will make you grow together, and will make you feel like you’ve won the lottery every day you see that person by your side."
14. Monogamy isn't for everyone
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"That human beings were simply not put together to be in 50+ year monogamous relationships. Most people are in denial about our promiscuity and constantly point to the outliers who managed to make it a lifetime together without cheating/betrayal, and/or separation."
15. Love always carries a risk
"The brutal truth about relationships is that they all may come to an end. We can’t control if they do or don’t. No matter how convinced we are that we’ve found our soulmate, they can hurt us in the worst ways possible."
16. Choose carefully — it matters
"The brutal truth about relationships is that many end in divorce, separation, or splitting up because people are not fussy enough about who they get involved with or do not try hard enough to make it work."
No relationship is ever the same, and there isn’t one answer to romantic success. However, if you come to terms with the brutal truths about relationships, you have a better chance of surviving the ups and downs. If you view your relationship realistically and plan for the bumps, you can enjoy the beauty of the journey too.
Shannon Ullman is a writer who focuses on travel and adventure, women's health, pop culture, and relationships. Her work has appeared in Huffington Post, MSN, and Matador Network.
