People Who Seek Happiness But Never Find It Usually Make 4 Common Mistakes
Putting your faith in these factors to make you happy may seem helpful, but there's more below the surface.
Yurii Zymovin | Canva Finding happiness can feel like a battle sometimes. So it's not surprising that there are hundreds and thousands of books, magazines, and self-help websites all dedicated to learning how you can finally get your emotional piece of the feel-good pie. Unfortunately, their advice is not always sound.
Often, people look at being happy as a single emotion, or something that can be influenced or brought on by experiences, gifts, or good times with their friends, family, and loved ones. However, this belief — that our happiness is controlled by outside sources — can actually be what's stopping you from learning how to be truly happy.
There is more to happiness than just "feeling" happy. It's a choice; a decision that you must make and be aware of every day. And, no, it's not always going to be achievable on that day and that's OK. You're human. But you still need to try. How? Be on the lookout for these mistakes, according to experts.
People who seek happiness but never find it make 4 common mistakes, according to experts:
1. Determining that a single goal will make everything better
“Many people have a weight loss goal that they think will magically fix what’s wrong with their lives. But what they’re really after are warm relationships, good health, positive self-image, and the approval of others. Letting go of guilt and shame about weight and practicing self-compassion will not only improve each of these things, but it is also a necessary ingredient in dropping extra pounds and keeping them off over the long term.”
Martha McGinnis is an eating coach, trainer & speaker who has maintained a 45+ pound weight loss for over 30 years — without dieting.
2. Believing a relationship will make you feel happy indefinitely
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"A relationship with someone else won’t make you happy because there is too much of 'them' you have no control over. Remember, all of their past comes along with them, so what looks great on the surface also has a 'behind the scenes' you may not see for a long time, and that may not be as happy-making.
What works instead is developing a great relationship with yourself. Ask yourself the same questions you would ask someone else in the first three months. Learn who you are: your dreams, values, passions, and what makes you feel strong. Create and enforce healthy boundaries around what keeps you feeling clear and confident at your core and enjoy the masterpiece in progress that you are."
Kelly Rudolph, the founder of Positive Women Rock, takes women from stuck and stressed to clear and confident.
3. Letting your emotions control you and determine if you're happy or not
"While positive thinking can save you from unnecessary suffering, it does not make a person happy.
Emotions are a sense, like seeing, hearing, and tasting. They give you information about yourself and your surroundings. If you’re in danger, you should be afraid. If you’ve lost a loved one, you’re going to have to grieve for as long as it takes.
Accepting that you will have ups and downs actually makes for a happier life."
Cheryl Gerson is a licensed clinical social worker and board-certified diplomate in private practice in New York City.
4. Waiting for happiness to come to you, instead of being proactive
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"It has been my observation that people often fall into a trap of 'if/then' thinking when it comes to their happiness, 'If I only got that promotion, made more money, got through the next week/day, got the newest tech gadget for my partner/child/family/friend, then I will be happy.'
This type of conditional thought process is similar to chasing the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow: The result appears attainable, but then one realizes through the process that this feat is not possible.
Rather, the more helpful process of happiness begins within the more controlled aspect of ourselves — our thoughts, feelings, and actions — and then extends to the exterior, more uncontrollable sections of our life circumstances."
Dr. Maxine Langdon Starr is a licensed marriage and family therapist in California who specializes in adolescents and young adults who are struggling with body image issues and are ready to take steps toward loving themselves as they are.
Merethe Najjar is a professional writer, editor, and award-winning fiction author. Her articles have been featured in The Aviator Magazine, Infinite Press, Yahoo, BRIDES, and more.
