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The reason you're single may be because of you.
By BlogHer — Last updated on Aug 20, 2023
By Melanie Hoglind
These are just some general themes and habits I've observed through the years that are common to people who never seem to find their forever love. None of these habits make them bad people; in fact, many are great people, but perhaps they just don't realize how they are getting in their own way.
If you want to find a soulmate, you've got to get out of your own way! So, if you find that you exhibit any of the habits below, think about whether or not those habits are the roadblock to finding The One.
Here are 7 harsh-but-true traits of people who will be single forever:
1. They're uninteresting
Most people meet because they share a common interest, like running, traveling, rock climbing, playing soccer, etc. But even when they don’t have common interests, people are drawn to people who have a passion for something. People who don’t have a passion for anything are uninteresting, and uninteresting people are less likely to be married.
2. They’re delusional
These are the people who declare they are only looking for six-foot Brazilian supermodels who are MENSA members, speak five languages, and love spending Friday nights watching old South Park reruns. They use the old “I have really high standards” excuse to justify when they can’t find a suitable mate, but really there’s some sort of psychological blockage that doesn’t allow them to fall for anyone, although they insist they’re genuinely looking. They project the blame on their "standards" instead of looking inward into what they really want.
3. They do whatever it takes to be loved
Actually, people like this do get married, but they don’t stay happy for very long. They act like SuperGirlfriend/Boyfriends/Husband/Wives because they think that’s how to become loved. But then they become exhausted when their partner starts taking them for granted or taking advantage of them. As a result, their efforts feel unappreciated, then they get bitter and cheat…or leave. Do unto others as you would have them do to you…but don’t expect them to just because you did.
4. They become chameleons
You know the type. That guy becomes vegan when he dates the hot PETA activist. The girl gets a tattoo because her new boyfriend is covered in them. This sounds obviously wack and even cliché, but lots of people seem to think this is a normal code of behavior when trying to attract a mate. Chameleons go through relationships like underwear, but they never get married.
5. They can’t form their own opinions
Will my mom like him? Will he get along with my dad? Will my sister think it’s weird that he still lives with roommates? Will my friends think she’s cool? She’s a cat person, will my dog like her? All of the opinions can confuse them to the point that they can’t even tell their own opinions from everyone else’s. It’s tough to find someone to marry that is going to suit the requirements of 20 people/animals!
6. They don’t like to face reality
Not the same as delusional, more like selective reality. Ever have a friend who dated a scumbag, but got belligerently angry when you so much as hinted at any flaw in his behavior? “He’s not controlling, he’s just very particular about what he wants me to eat. Maybe your boyfriend should care as much about what you’re putting into your body. Hmph!” Good friends will stage an intervention before they make it down the aisle, or, unfortunately, something so bad happens that they are finally forced to face the harsh reality.
7. They don’t think they deserve better
How can one find someone worthy of being their lifelong partner if they don’t think they deserve it? You deserve the best. Because you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it, people like you.
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Melanie Höglind is a freelance writer, contributor to the Huffington Post, and author.