The Happiest Couples Aren’t Hitting This Milestone At All, Research Says
Jayson Hinrichsen | Unsplash In 2017, the American Journal of Sociology published a study of the effects of work-family reconciliation policies in 22 countries that revealed "accumulating evidence of lower levels of happiness among parents than nonparents in most advanced industrialized societies." The study also found "considerable variation in the parenthood gap in happiness across countries, with the U.S. showing the largest disadvantage of parenthood."
Though there is joy in having children and watching them grow up, there is also joy in having all of your life to make yourself happy first. The study suggested "the gap in happiness between parents and non-parents is smaller in countries that provide more resources and social support to families than in countries that provide less assistance."
The happiest couples aren’t hitting the milestone of having kids, research says.
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We may start seeing fewer children on Halloween, although sad, but maybe that means we can have more candy for ourselves. It might even mean fewer screaming children in restaurants or other public places we enjoy.
Research says the happiest marriages are under five years long, and occur between college-educated couples with no children, where the man has a job.
Cohabiting couples are less happy than married ones, but women, especially, grow worn out throughout their marriage. The news just gets better and better.
But don't worry: if you're older, are raising a growing brood of children, and have been married for over half your life, you're already past the worst period of marriage, which occurs when your children are in preschool. To no one's surprise, the report says that couples expressed greater contentment once their youngest child had grown up.
Even better, skip the child growing up part and just remain childfree for life. What happiness can there be waiting to be happy? I will be quite content being the fun aunt and returning my nieces and nephews to their parents, their real responsibilities.
At the end of the day, happiness in relationships isn't about checking boxes or hitting societal milestones on someone else's timeline.
A groundbreaking study analyzed data from 43 different studies involving 11,196 couples and found something beautifully simple: "It's not who you're with, but the dynamic you have with them."
The experience of your relationship matters far more than any arbitrary marker of success. So instead of worrying about what milestone you should be racing toward, focus on building the kind of connection that makes you both feel genuinely loved, supported, and understood. That's the real measure of a thriving partnership.
The answer here isn't to ditch your spouse after five years and find another one. Unless you need to, then you go.
Nor should you avoid procreating to prolong your contentment. If anything, this study may serve as a reality check to bright-eyed young things who see marriage as the be-all of happiness, when maintaining it beyond five years requires a lifetime of work.
Take time to be yourself and to understand who you are. Before you even think about marriage, if you are a bright-eyed young thing. If you do manage to make it past the five-year mark, all the more happiness to you.
Denise Ngo is a freelance web writer/editor who specializes in pop culture, fashion, science, faith, and relationships.
