12 Small Habits That Instantly Make Women Admire You, According To Research
How to cultivate a distinct air of desirability and admiration.
Michael Mcauliff | Unsplash I’ve always considered myself a decent-looking guy (my mom certainly seems to think so). But I haven’t always been attractive to the opposite gender — or people in general. Research from the University of Nicosia in Cyprus indicates that cultivating habits of kindness, humor, open-mindedness, and self-improvement can significantly enhance one's attractiveness.
These habits contribute to positive perceptions of personality and social skills, making individuals more likable and approachable. There have been many moments in my 37 years where I actively repelled people. I was frequently surprised by this. I’ve been geeking out on human behavior for years as a result.
Here are the small habits that instantly make women admire you, according to research:
1. Stop trying so hard to be confident
This makes us even more self-conscious. When we try to be charismatic and cool, we’re thinking about how we’re coming across. When we have lots on our minds, guess what happens?
We get anxious and perform poorly because we’re overly self-aware. Like I did, you will find relief by just dropping the need to do anything. Just be, enjoy yourself, and your attraction will rise.
2. Slow down
Laia Balart / Shutterstock
Rushing disadvantages us in a few ways. Firstly, it sends out a subtle indication of perceived lower status — that we are not at ease in our environment.
Slowing down means we’re relaxed in uncertainty, which is a highly confident trait. Secondly, we make life harder when we rush because things move so quickly. This immediately puts us on the back foot, and we will be nervous and stumble.
3. Be playful
Most of us lose the playful and curious spirit of childhood too young. But playfulness is the secret language of life and will connect you to wisdom, solutions, and other people like nothing else.
To play is to align with the unpredictable, chaotic, and light-hearted nature of reality. Playfulness is who we are at the core, and when we operate from here, you’ll be surprised how effortlessly people are drawn to you.
The attractiveness of playfulness stems from a combination of psychological and evolutionary factors. Studies from the University of São Paulo in Brazil have shown that playful adults tend to have more romantic partners, both short-term and long-term, suggesting that playfulness can be a successful mating strategy.
4. Make others look better
So many of us spend all our time trying to impress. We’re self-conscious, we brag, and we look goofy and try-hard.
Better to forget all that and put your attention to making others look better, funnier, or more important or intelligent than you. Now you’re the leader. This is the game-changer.
5. Never take things personally
Taking yourself seriously is the ultimate attraction-killer. I know this from personal experience. This doesn’t mean that being a submissive pushover is the alternative.
Attractive people never make things about themselves. They are free because they respond neither to approval nor disapproval. They just enjoy themselves regardless.
6. Don’t smile at everything
Be selective in your smiling. Smile when you want to, not when you think you should, to come across as "nice." You are your own man, unswayed by the need to conform.
I don’t mean to be intentionally moody — this is, again, try-hard. Just know that smiling too much is often a manipulative act designed to influence another, and people will sense it.
While smiling is often associated with positive traits like happiness and approachability, research suggests that people may find those who don't smile all the time attractive for a few reasons, including perceived confidence, mystery, and a more sophisticated impression. A person who doesn't constantly smile might be seen as secure in themselves, not needing external validation or constant reassurance.
7. Stop trying to impress
Trying to impress and please other people is an outcome-dependent behavior developed in childhood to please our parents. This is very different from serving people, which comes from a place of value and genuine, caring intention.
When I make you laugh without expecting anything in return, this is serving. When I am honest with you to help you, this is serving. Serving is attractive. Impressing and bragging are unattractive.
8. Take up more space
Ground Picture / Shutterstock
Those at ease in their environment and presume a high status subtly take up a little extra space. Whether you have actual "societal status" or not doesn’t matter. If you are comfortable in your skin, you don’t meekly minimize your presence.
9. Be unattached to the outcome
If you want things to be a certain way, you will act needy, weird, and awkward. For example, you’re on a date, and you get confidence-tested by her.
You respond with annoyance because you’re reliant on harmony in the conversation. Instant drop in attraction. One of the most attractive things you can do is nurture an "outcome independence," which signals that you don’t care either way. You are your own man with options.
A 2013 study from The Journal of Research in Personality explained that people find individuals unattached to the outcome attractive because these traits often convey confidence, independence, and a sense of self-worth. This perspective signals that the individual is not dependent on a specific result for their happiness, making them more alluring and less prone to clinginess or neediness.
10. Prioritize your path
Even if they verbally disagree, women will lose attraction for you if you prioritize them over your goals. Men who chase and pedestalize women communicate that they lack ambition and need to manipulate people to get what they want. Women make excellent and highly attractive companions when they see you prioritizing your mission over all else.
11. Talk less
The more you reveal about yourself, the less people will see you as mysterious. You’re also much less likely to say dumb things when you’re yapping the whole time.
It also comes across as needy. Focus on them. Make them look good and ask genuine questions. Listen to them. You will hear their secrets and come across as calm, intriguing, and attractive.
12. Stop trying to control things
It’s easy for alpha male types to get into the habit of telling people what to do. They take on a dominating approach. This can be appropriate here and there, such as leading people and children when they need support.
But often, we can put too much into telling others what to do instead of showing and being the inspiration. You will bring a lot of stress onto yourself if you wish to change others.
Most will not budge. People warm to you when you leave them alone verbally and do your thing well. This is inspiring and attractive.
Finding non-controlling individuals attractive stems from their association with positive traits, healthy relationship dynamics, and potentially, evolutionary advantages. A 2024 study from the Research Center of Brain and Cognitive Neuroscience in Dalian, China, suggested that people are naturally drawn to partners who promote their well-being, respect their autonomy, and foster a healthy and balanced relationship.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
