In An Empty Room, A 96-Year-Old Man Fed His Wife — And It Rewrote Everything I Believed About Romance
juan mendez | Canva A photo on Facebook went viral of a 96-year-old husband taking his 93-year-old-wife with Alzheimer's Disease out for a date. She might not have remembered who he was or the time they shared. Yet, he loved her as he had for nearly 75 years.
This one photo, of a 96-year-old man feeding his wife, rewrote everything I believed about romance: Many couples feel date night is a luxury they can't afford, let alone make time to do. At the end of the day, you're tired and so is your spouse. But research has shown that date nights, as luxurious as they may seem, are essential to making your relationship last, especially if you're married with children.
In an empty room, a 96-year-old man fed his wife, and it rewrote everything I believed about romance:
1. It's the little things that count
Simple gestures add a special element to marriage that makes the relationship extraordinary.
- Open the car door.
- Carry their bag just for fun.
- Even breakfast in bed can express how much your spouse means to you.
When hard times hit, those same gestures drive home the commitment you share. Just like this dedicated husband fed his wife with Alzheimer's at mealtime, the simplicity of his actions said, "You are mine."
2. Don't be too proud to accept help
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It's hard to switch gears when all day you've had to keep your guard up at work. Leave your pride and independence at the door when you go out for a night with your partner. Date night is the time to allow a couple to reveal and express their unique dependence upon each other.
"Embrace your interdependence," family therapist Eric Williams recommended. "In marriage, the only things that are his and hers separately are the wedding rings. Life stresses, mental health challenges, substance abuse issues, financial stresses, difficult kids — these are shared issues. So, communicate your struggles and challenges openly with your wife so you both can face them head-on as a team. After all, with unity comes power, and healthy relationships are powerful."
3. Romance doesn't have to be expensive
Like this elderly husband who treated his wife to an inexpensive burger at Wendy's, dating does not have to break the budget. There are plenty of fun, free, and easy dates to experience together. Some date ideas include:
- A walk on the beach
- Visit a museum
- Pack a lunch and picnic while reading poetry
Focus on each other and you'll have a relationship money could never buy.
4. Routine is an important element of romance
Date night romance starts in your daily routine. Look for ways to save time so that scheduling a night out together is possible. If chores can be shared to make more time for a date night, all the better. Couples who create routines together are often happier because of it, and this adds up to a stronger marriage.
Life coach Carolyn R. Owens gave an idea to elevate your date nights: "You might plan a date night here and there, but the night seems to go by quickly. Before you know it, you are right back to the same-old-same-old. Instead of planning a date night, why not consider doing something more long-term, like starting a new hobby together? These hobbies aren't just date night activities. They're true bonding experiences that help you establish healthy routines and grow your love together."
5. Don't worry about how you appear in public
Have a game plan. Every once in a while, opportunity strikes, and you're free for an hour or two. If there's a little coffee shop, bookstore, or burger joint nearby, plan on making it the spot where you have some one-on-one downtime to reconnect.
Don't worry about how you look. The whole point is to have fun as a couple. Unexpected dating opportunities are wonderful for building your marriage into one that will last.
6. Keep the focus on each other
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It's hard getting back into a routine of dating each other again, and it can feel like a first date with a stranger. Try to avoid talking about chores, bills, the kids, and what happened at the workplace. Instead, think about what you might talk about with someone you want to get to know. There used to be a moment when you could stare into each other's eyes without a word, and feel complete. It's okay to be nervous, feel unfamiliar, or even slightly unsure. Remind yourself that this time is just a small building block to the foundation for your marriage to last a lifetime.
7. When one can't give back in equal measure, give double the dose of love
Don't keep score. We all want to feel acknowledged by the one we love, especially when we express our feelings. But love isn't all about being acknowledged. Love isn't always about getting our needs met. Love is about giving without expectations.
In her book Radical Acceptance: The Secret To Happy, Lasting Love, YourTango CEO and podcast host Andrea Miller explains that truly loving someone requires a "fundamental recalibration of your relationship expectations." She argues that "It’s about not expecting someone else to 'make you happy,' but thinking much more about what you have to offer your partner. The relationship has to make you happy." THAT is where love comes from.
8. It's not about who you are, or what you have, but what you do that matters
Be yourself. When one of you unexpectedly gets sick, authenticity shines through. When a person is transparent during good times, the bad times seem less scary. Although being home while either of you is sick isn't the ideal date, it's still a special time together that only you two share. Not to mention, caring for one another during illness builds intimacy into your marriage.
"Whatever it is, go out of your way to give them a comforting experience," said marriage and family therapist Ranjan Patel. "Prioritize your partner and make sure it's important that they feel loved. Taking the focus off yourself, getting off the negative obsessive loop about your physical limitations — this relieves you. Love begets more of the same, and you're creating a positive feedback cycle."
9. You only need one person to remember why you are together
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It takes one person to make a marriage last. When marital stress or external problems push the "I quit" button, use date nights to rebuild intimacy. Each date can create new memories and reasons to stay together.
A study helped explain how date nights and other shared activities sustain relationships. When date nights are satisfying, they increase closeness between two people in a big way.
10. Focus on the journey
True love is a process. Just as you went from that first date to marriage, you can use date night as a way to bring each other back to the time when things were new and fresh. The road isn't always easy, but dating each other will make your marriage happier. Besides, nothing worthwhile ever came without a bit of struggle.
11. Remember the milestones
Every day there's a reason to celebrate. Enjoy the fact that you made it through another day and are one moment closer to celebrating another anniversary together. Take time to express those sentiments to each other. Couples who find reasons to celebrate anniversaries and milestones are more likely to enjoy their relationship, look forward to date nights, and stay together.
Aria Gmitter is YourTango's Senior Editor of Horoscopes and Spirituality. She graduated from the Midwestern School of Astrology and has been a practical astrologer for 40 years.
