The Only 5 Questions That Determine How Much Love You Have In Your Relationship

How to have the kind of love you've dreamed about.

Unconditional love in relationship - YuriArcurs | Canva

Unconditional love is misunderstood and some believe there is no such thing as unconditional love. Yes, we should be accepting and respectful of our mates. We should honor their choices and support their dreams and visions. However, a truly loving relationship contains compassionate truth-telling. Unconditional love refers to the honoring of ourselves and our partners. If I see my partner doing something that is not healthy for themselves or our relationship and I do not speak up about it, the integrity of our relationship wavers. When that kind of withholding occurs, the breakdown of the relationship begins. Resentment starts to build a home in our thinking and our trust erodes. Here are some questions to ask of your relationship and begin to recover unconditional love for yourself.


There are only 5 questions that determine how much you love you have in your relationship:

1. Is my partner truly being destructive or am I exploring a need I have to control?

A need to control is about having things done your way and does not take into consideration the needs of the partner. To find and cultivate real love in a relationship, you need to accept the lack of control you will have. You can't plan or force love. 

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2. Am I communicating in a way that includes how much I love this person?

Begin with the desire for longevity in the relationship, the deep love you feel, and then share your observations — not your judgments.

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3. What unhealthy or bad habits do you have? Are you willing to listen to your partner and change?

Our partners often mirror our character defects. In a healthy relationship, we do our =inner exploration, listen to our partners, and make healthy choices.

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4. What will you choose if your partner refuses to make healthy or positive choices?

This is a big one. If you choose to stay, then you must unconditionally accept the choice of your partner. You do not get to nag or complain. You also need to have enough self-love to know when to walk away from an unhealthy relationship.


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5. Are you willing to get help?

Sometimes a couple needs a therapist or counselor to support them. If you are not willing, you are making a choice — a choice that might be detrimental to your relationship. If you're not trying everything to save your relationship, then what's the point?

We are all here to love and be loved, and one of the best manifestations of that emotion is unconditional love. Unconditional love is being awake in the context of the relationship, and daring to be vulnerable, honest, and authentic. What can you do to cultivate that in your relationship?

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Cynthia James is a spiritual/life coach, author, speaker, and facilitator. She has been featured in The Shift Network, Global Mind ED, Humanity's Team, and more.