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No little argument is worth ruining your relationship over.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Last updated on May 04, 2023
Relationships, even the best ones, have their ups and downs. There will be times when you will want to break up with your partner, even when you’re otherwise totally happy.
Part of being able to stick things through is making sure you know how to handle issues that eat away at your happiness with your partner.
Thankfully, psychologists have put a lot of thought into figuring out how to make relationships last. Here are the most useful relationship hacks that will help you build a happy life with someone you love, as explained by the professionals themselves.
Here are 20 clever ways to end any argument — and maybe even save your relationship:
1. Make a list of communication dealbreakers, and stick to them
A huge portion of the chance you have at a successful relationship is the partner you pick. A bad partner will make for a bad relationship, no matter how hard you try to keep it healthy. That’s why it’s crucial to get choosy and to notice warning signs as soon as they happen.
A lot of dealbreakers are obvious, like anger issues or being an ass. But the ones you often should worry about are the ones that aren’t always glaring. Some of the biggest dealbreakers that most people don’t think of include stonewalling to get their way, jealousy, a need to be joined at the hip, cruel remarks disguised as jokes, and minimizing what they do.
If you notice any of these, make no mistake about it — they are going to end up being abusive. It’s better to let go and spare yourself trouble than it is to try to solve it because “it’s not worth breaking up over.”
2. When you argue, don’t use “you,” use “we”
Rather than jump and tell them that they need to solve it or that you have a problem, frame the problem as a problem that you both have. This gives your partner an “us versus the world” vibe and also keeps them from feeling attacked.
3. Hold your partner’s hand while you argue
This emphasizes that you’re there with them, and believe it or not, holding hands actually releases chemicals in your brain that make you feel better and more connected to the person whose hand you’re holding. This, in turn, makes it a lot easier to keep a level head when you’re talking things out.
4. Make him a home-cooked meal
Your granny wasn’t lying when she said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Has your partner been feeling grouchy lately? It may be easier to solve this than you’d think.
Most guys (and girls) tend to be a lot more pleasant if you cook them something nice, give them a refreshing beverage, and also give them time to rest. More often than not, they’ll be in a very cheerful and appreciative mood once this is done.
5. Don’t wait until things simmer and turn into resentment
Address your problems immediately, no matter how small. Small problems have a remarkable way of turning into big ones if they are ignored for too long.
Studies have shown that successful couples are often the ones who quickly address any issues that come up as they arise. The reason why is that this practice nips things in the bud before it becomes a point of contention.
6. Say “thank you,” even for the chores
One of the most common reasons why women end up leaving their marriages or losing attraction is because they feel unappreciated by their partners. When you never get thanked, it’s easy to feel that way.
By thanking your partner, you’re making a point of showing gratitude, and that will make them want to stay around you more.
7. Make chores a favor for each other, rather than a chore
When you think of them as favors, your chores become a lot more enjoyable and you begin to become a lot more grateful when your partner does chores for you. It’s amazing what a small spin on a typical part of life can do, isn’t it?
8. Take notes when you hear your partner say something that they want, wait a while, then get it for them
This shows them that you actually listen, and is one of the easiest ways to make sure that your partner’s Christmas wishlist is foolproof. Moreover, it will impress them because they probably will have thought you forgot about them saying it.
9. Realize that it’s often better to keep you and your partner happy than it is to be right
It’s so, so easy to choose to argue over little things, just to be right. Being right can be an addictive feeling, but in most cases, it’s not worth the bickering, argument, and resentment proving yourself right can cause.
Things like fighting over things that don’t really matter — or worse, gloating when you’re right — will end up making your partner resent you. So, if it doesn’t matter, don’t argue over it, and remember that being right isn’t usually worth the cost of your relationship.
10. If you need a break from fighting, take one
That adage about “not going to sleep angry” is a terribly misunderstood phrase. Initially, it meant that you should never go to sleep without remembering why you like your spouse. What most people ended up thinking the saying meant, though, was to not go to sleep without an argument ending.
Honestly, if you need a break from an argument, it’s okay to walk away. Staying up all night will not do anything but make you wonder why you’re with that person, and possibly get yourself late to work.
Having a rule that says you can “hit the pause button” on a discussion is the best way to ensure that you will actually make it through the rough times and is yet another great way how to make relationships last.
11. When you feel neglected or ignored, tell them what makes you feel that way and why
As hard as it is, don’t huff and puff. Do not be the person who makes sniping comments or gets passive-aggressive when you feel slighted. Rather, talk things out and be blunt about what your partner is doing and why.
Most problems are caused because there’s miscommunication. If people get where you’re coming from and what makes them feel hurt, they won’t do it. If they do continue to do it, then you know where you stand with them, and you should know it’s time to bounce.
12. Ask if they want advice or an absorbent shoulder
Some people, when upset, just want to vent. Others are legit asking for help. If your partner is upset, ask them what they want and ask them to do the same when you’re upset. You’ll be surprised at how much easier things will be.
13. Never complain about your partner to your friends or family — choose a therapist or a diary instead
Why? Because long after you’ve forgiven your partner for their transgressions, your friends and family will still remember them. And when they can remember all the things you complained about, they’ll probably start asking you why you are still with him.
In other words, this is a great way to make sure your friends and family hate your partner.
14. Make a point to keep time open for them, no matter how busy
Time spent together is what matters the most when it comes to succeeding in a relationship. If you neglect to spend quality time together, you will end up drifting apart, even if you don’t mean to. You’ll find there’s a lot of truth to “out of sight, out of mind.”
15. But keep your own time apart, too
Having time apart is a good way to ensure you don’t run out of topics to talk about and to make sure that you both still have lives outside of each other. Doing everything together can and will make you stagnate.
16. Watch comedies together
Studies show that laughing for as little as 10 minutes a day increases your chances of staying with a romantic partner by as much as 75 percent. Moreover, comedies have a tendency of bonding people together on a psychological level.
Laughing together at a subject releases oxytocin, which makes you feel like you’ve experienced more together than you really have.
17. Have sex frequently
You’d think this is obvious, but for some, it’s not. Sex releases oxytocin and endorphins, which makes you bond with your partner and feel good. In many cases, sex is actually the way most people get to feel loved by a partner.
Not having sex will disconnect you from your partner, whether you realize it or not. So, try to aim for at least twice a week if possible.
18. Compliments don’t cost anything to give but are totally priceless
One of the easiest ways to make a person feel alone in the relationship is to forget to compliment them. If you find your partner being moody or stressed out, start complimenting them. Chances are, they’ll do the same to you.
19. Recognize when you or your partner’s behavior has become toxic, and don’t be afraid to get help or break up
Here’s the thing about relationships: they’re only good if they’re healthy. If you notice yourself acting uncharacteristically stressed around your partner, or if your partner becomes increasingly hurtful, it’s up to you to leave him.
If you notice that things aren’t going well, it’s up to you to try to get outside help and do what you need to in order to ensure your well-being.
20. Last but not least, learn how to talk your partner’s language
Communication really is key, and sometimes, it’s not the things you say that matter the most. When in doubt, learn your partner’s quirks when it comes to communication and you’ll be able to work with them far better.
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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.