If You Believe These 6 Myths About Love, You'll Probably Never Find It
Your beliefs about love might be what are keeping you single.
Jonas Svidras | Unsplash As little girls, we’re taught to believe in Prince Charming. He’s going to rescue you from a fire-breathing dragon, wake you from your slumber, and one day, if you’re good and pure, he might even marry you.
Well, this is the 21st century. The only men galloping along in a horse and carriage are in Central Park, and they’re required to have a horse-drawn cab license. So, let’s nip these fairy tales in the bud. Dr. Bob Wright and Dr. Judith Wright, relationship counselors and co-authors of the book The Heart of the Fight, helped us bust some of the most common relationship myths:
If you believe these 6 myths about love, you'll probably never find it:
1. 'Prince Charming exists'
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Reality: Your guy might be amazing, yet you’re still longing for perfection. No one is perfect — not even you! Charming men can also be too good to be true.
“They are often shallow, insincere, and manipulative,” Dr. Judith reveals. “They often say what you want to hear to seduce you.”
You see, ladies, you must let go of this fantasy and say yes to Prince Real, Prince Values, and Prince Substance.
2. 'You must be rescued'
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Reality: If you feel you need to be rescued from a bad relationship or a crappy single life, you’re placing yourself as the victim.
And that’s “a perfect formula for drama, but not for a relationship,” says Dr. Bob. “Rescuing leads to dependence and resentment, because the person being rescued will eventually need to grow up, and then the entire foundation for the relationship falls apart."
Individuals who feel the need to be rescued often have a diminished sense of self-worth and believe they are not lovable or even capable of handling life's challenges independently. One study suggested that some people who believe they need rescuing might also display a savior complex, feeling compelled to help others, often to an unhealthy level.
Your best bet is to become a self-aware, confident, and loving woman who knows who she wants and who she is. That way, you’ll attract a man of quality.
3. 'A frog can turn into a prince with the right woman'
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Reality: We all believe we have the superpower to change a man with potential.
“If you catch yourself thinking, ‘I can change him,’ watch out!” warns Dr. Judith. “If he’s not who you want him to be now, don’t think anything will be different with some TLC.”
That doesn’t mean you give up on your guy, but he has to back it up with action. Is he actively working on becoming a better man, or does he just talk the talk? The latter will lead to more disappointment, resentment, and years wasted on a frog disguised as a man.
4. 'If we’re meant to be, we’ll never fight'
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Reality: As long as you’re not abusive, fighting once in a while is good for relationships. Conflict allows us to grow, truly see our partner, and form a stronger bond.
This misconception about love that is meant-to-be can prevent people from engaging in the necessary conversations and effort that deepens intimacy and builds lasting connections. One study explained that individuals might sabotage relationships or stay in unhealthy dynamics, driven by the fear that their partner doesn't care enough to fight for them or for the relationship.
“In fact, those points of tension are the best opportunities for learning and teaching each other, as long as you take advantage of them,” advises Dr. Judith. “Avoid fighting and you avoid intimacy.”
5. 'There is one true love for each person'
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Reality: Ever been in love more than once? Then you know there’s more than one true love! If you don’t, you’re in for a world of hurt and failed relationships.
“Studies show that people who think there is a soul mate or ‘the one’ are less likely to work on the relationship,” Dr. Bob reports. “When tensions surface or not-so-nice stuff gets revealed, they figure they picked the wrong one and move on.”
That’s just not conducive to a healthy relationship.
6. 'Physical chemistry is necessary for falling in love'
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Reality: You should be attracted to your partner, but physical chemistry isn’t the end-all, be-all of relationship success.
While initial chemistry can be the spark that starts a relationship, it's important to distinguish it from compatibility. According to a 2021 study, prioritizing only chemistry can lead to overlooking crucial compatibility factors necessary for long-term relationship stability.
“Love is a conscious choice. You can be attracted to someone’s mind, their humor, their kindness — and not just their looks,” Dr. Judith states. In the end, there must be substance, commonalities, and an emotional connection and intimacy. That’s reality. That’s a relationship.
Sujeiry Gonzalez is a content creator, web designer, and podcast host.
