10 Behaviors That Reveal A Man Isn't A Good Partner, No Matter How Nice He Seems
The Everett Collection | Canva We've all been in relationships where, at times, we've felt more like a mom or a secretary than a significant other. We fall into these weird roles while dating, taking responsibility for things that we never would've imagined when we first met that cute guy at the bar.
Going on a date with a sweet, oblivious doofus might sound adorable ... until you find yourself reminding your boyfriend to pay his phone bill four times a month and telling him exactly what to buy you for your 6-month anniversary.
While we understand that healthy relationships require compromises, things get challenging when a guy is just a bad boyfriend. That's why we've compiled a list of favors good boyfriends know better than to consistently request (if they want things to last). If you're constantly taking on any of the items on this list (especially with any hint of resentment), it's time to get your guy to lend a hand.
Here are 10 behaviors that reveal a man isn't a good partner, no matter how nice he seems:
1. He asks you to do his laundry
If you offer or have taken on this chore as part of a plan to split responsibilities with one another, that's one thing. But if he asks you to do his laundry because he considers it "a woman's work" and sees it as your duty, that's a problem.
Pairing your socks isn't exactly our idea of a stay-at-home date, nor does living with you make us a 1950s housewife. A good compromise is for one partner to sort and start the laundry and the other to fold and put it away.
Plus, studies show that helping around the house increases a man's chances of getting lucky. So, how about that pile of dishes? If you clean up the sink while we tackle the living room, we'll get to the bedroom twice as fast.
2. He makes you buy gifts and cards for other people on his behalf
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We'll help when we're out with you, but no, we shouldn't be expected to always be the ones making pit stops at Hallmark. Just because we're women doesn't mean we're automatically adept at figuring out your Aunt Martha's dress size.
Managing social ties, like remembering to buy gifts, organizing holidays, or keeping in touch with friends and family, falls under emotional labor in relationships. According to a 2019 study, the mental load refers to both the cognitive and emotional effort involved in managing household and family responsibilities, and typically this burden is assigned to women.
3. You plan entire vacations without his help
When we ask you whether you'd rather spend our anniversary in Cabo or Vermont, we want you to express an actual preference, not to say, "Whatever, I'm happy with what makes you happy." The same goes for the hotel, the airline, and the restaurant reservations.
Letting us take the reins isn't considerate; it's just lazy and boring. Instead, make sure to divvy up the planning. We pick the location and hotel; you plan the activities.
4. You make him all of his sandwiches
The refrigerator is 10 feet away, and your game controller has a pause button, so get up, stretch, and slap that ham and lettuce together by yourself. We don't care if you're "in the zone," because apparently, you were out of it long enough to articulate your immediate need for a nibble.
Maybe we'll consider it if you agree to break from the game for 20 minutes, put on some coffee, and enjoy your afternoon snack with us.
5. You are his wake-up call every morning
Really, buy an alarm clock. Remembering a man's nap and wake-up schedule should be an occasional favor, not an everyday obligation.
Taking too much responsibility for what someone else does, like trying to cover up or fix a partner's mistakes, is a common example of codependency in relationships. Codependent people have an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others and a tendency to do more than their share all of the time, research has shown.
6. You have to take care of his drunk friends
We'll help them hail cabs or drive them home, but our couch really shouldn't be a post-happy-hour crash pad.
Setting boundaries is an essential component of self-preservation when dealing with someone's drinking, and boundaries are about establishing how you want to be treated. Researchers have concluded that people struggling with addiction don't have boundaries and take and take often with little regard for the needs of others, so you are the one who needs to set them.
7. He hangs out with his ex
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Some women like befriending the ex, and others just want to satisfy their curiosity about her. But don't pressure the ones who would rather keep a distance. Instead, ask yourself why he wants to be in contact with her.
One study suggested that staying friends with an ex while in a relationship can be perceived as a lack of commitment to the current partner and may hurt their feelings, creating emotional distance. If a partner refuses to include you in hangouts with their ex and has exclusive one-on-one time, it may be time to ask questions about why you're never invited.
8. He makes you watch his favorite shows — but never watches yours
How would you like it if we made you religiously watch The Bachelor? Instead, let's pick a show we both like and make sure we follow it together.
Research has shown that couples who actively practice compromise are significantly more likely to experience higher relationship satisfaction, with 67% of couples who regularly compromise reporting feeling happier compared to only 33% who rarely do. Effective quality time allocation in a relationship often necessitates compromise, and balancing individual needs and shared activities is key to a strong relationship.
9. He asks you to lose weight
We'll tone up for health purposes and for ourselves, but if you're really concerned about the 5 pounds we gained over the holidays, don't flat-out complain that we're getting flabby.
Instead, invite us to go biking with you or to take a yoga class together. Treat exercise as a fun activity we can do together, instead of something we should do just for you.
10. He asks you to keep your hair long (or in any style you don't want)
Trust us, short hair is cute, fun, and just as feminine as long hair. Just look at Halle Berry, Audrey Tautou, and Keira Knightley, circa 2005. It's not as if we're going to shave it off or sport one of Rihanna's hairstyles, but even if we did, we hope you'd find us just as attractive.
Controlling a partner's appearance by dictating what they wear or how they style their hair stems from a desire to control their self-image and is a sign of controlling behavior. Experts have concluded that abusers seek to control their victims in every way they can, including physical appearance, and abuse robs people of self-esteem.
Denise Ngo is a freelance web writer/editor who specializes in pop culture, fashion, science, faith, and relationships.
