6 Subtle Behaviors That Mark The Beginning Of The End In A Relationship, According To Psychology
Subtle shifts that signal a relationship is starting to unravel.
Timur Weber | Pexels You can love someone as much as you want, but there is no guarantee that you will be spending the rest of your life with him or her. Love is a crucial ingredient for a lasting and meaningful relationship. However, we tend to forget that it’s not the only ingredient and that is perhaps our biggest mistake.
So we ignore the signs the best we can, and then come the red flags, the glaring warning signs, where we feel heartbroken at the realization that we failed to make the relationship work. Now it’s all over. And we are all alone ... again. But if you can spot the subtle signs your relationship is nearing the end, maybe, just maybe, you can give your relationship a reboot.
These signs will help you analyze what might go wrong down the line by taking a deep look at yourself and taking charge. A 2019 study concluded that understanding that it is not about finding faults in your partner or pointing fingers. It is about pulling your socks up and re-positioning yourself to make sure your relationship has a better chance at survival.
Here are six subtle behaviors that mark the beginning of the end in a relationship:
1. You don’t talk anymore
Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock
And by talking, I mean about deep conversations about life, about your beliefs, philosophies, and your feelings. Ask yourself, do you guys talk about the basics of life?
How your day went. What happened at work. How your boss is a jerk. How you're planning a couple’s vacation this winter. How excited you are to watch that movie you guys are excited about. Simple daily conversations about each other, friends and family, or co-workers. But most of all, conversations about your feelings.
Communication is the very core of a good relationship, including the one with yourself. Meaningful and deep conversations allow us to know the person our partner has grown, matured, and evolved into. Otherwise, you are just stuck with the person they used to be.
Enough with Netflix and chill. Now it’s time to start talking about what matters.
2. You don’t touch them like you used to
Perfect Wave / Shutterstock
No, I am not talking about intimacy. We often express our love and affection through subtle physical gestures like holding their hand, putting your hand on the small of their back, stroking their hair, hugging them, a simple kiss on the cheek, caressing their legs, and holding their face softly while you kiss and pulling them closer.
These small things can often mean deeper things in a relationship. Every touch you make creates a connection and transfers energy to your partner.
It's normal to not have the same passion for being physically close all the time like when your relationship began, but if you now feel differently when you touch your partner, then it’s one of the signs your relationship is over.
A loving touch can heal a lot of wounds and nurture a relationship by making us feel loved, safe, and warm inside. You can’t play the guitar without caressing the strings fondly.
While a lack of physical touch can signal relationship issues, it's not necessarily a guaranteed indication that the relationship is ending. It's more of a symptom that may point to underlying problems or unmet needs. Research shows that physical touch is essential for social bonding and well-being, and a decrease in touch can signal issues like decreased emotional intimacy and potential relationship dissatisfaction.
3. You feel indifferent
Kmpzzz / Shutterstock
Does your relationship still feel engaging? Have all disagreements completely disappeared? Do your partner’s behavior and actions matter at all? Co-existing without being engaged can be a relationship-ender.
When both partners are agreeable & indifferent instead of passionately arguing about things they feel strongly about in the relationship, it’s one of the signs your relationship is over.
Fighting all the time is not a sign of a happy relationship. However, simple arguments help develop a deeper bond among couples. When you're not engaged or present in the relationship, it’s a clear sign that not all is well in your partnership.
This is where communication comes in. A real open honest conversation about how you both feel about this relationship at this current moment. Ask them how they are, what is bothering them if they want to share something.
Instead of jumping to conclusions, have a heart-to-heart discussion showing that you care. Listen to them and understand what they are going through. Things can change faster than you realize. Start talking.
4. You don’t look deep into their eyes anymore
Srdjan Randjelovic / Shutterstock
Do you still look into their eyes with love? Do you still experience butterflies in your stomach when your eyes meet? Do you feel that connection when you make eye contact even today?
If not, something is wrong, my friend. If you avoid eye contact, then either one or both of you are avoiding something. Your partner may not be having an affair, but they are hiding something from you: It can be anger. Frustration. Dissatisfaction. Or simply their feelings for you.
No matter what it may be, if you avoid one of the subtle signs your relationship is over, it may be too late to salvage it. Eventually, you will stop looking at each other.
Eye contact is one of the most natural ways to build a connection and look into someone for who they are. It’s a doorway to understanding their true self.
You can connect to your partner’s soul if you truly look into their eyes with all the love in your heart. When you make that connection, you will know what I mean.
Research suggests that eye contact plays a significant role in forming and maintaining strong relationships. It conveys trust, emotional openness, and a sense of connection. A sudden and noticeable lack of it can be a potential red flag in a relationship, suggesting a shift in emotional closeness or underlying issues.
5. You start feeling heavy
Srdjan Randjelovic / Shutterstock
Relationships are never easy. There are days you feel like you are the happiest person alive and then there are days you wonder why you are even alive.
One day, loving someone can feel effortless, while the very next day it can feel overwhelming. That’s normal. But when you start feeling the heaviness coming from inside, you know it’s a sign that needs your attention.
There are various factors like work pressure, bills, family, and situations that can make us feel heavy. Life can be like that sometimes. But if your heaviness stems from feelings of anxiety, anger, discomfort, resentment, doubt, and uncertainty in your relationship, then you need to look into it. These feelings will keep getting heavier unless you address them.
6. You feel lonely, even around them
Ground Picture / Shutterstock
If you feel alone, unloved and unsupported even when you are with a partner, it can be the loneliest feeling ever. Do you feel you cannot openly communicate with your partner?
Are you suppressing a lot of emotions and thoughts about your relationship inside you? Then you must understand it's one of the signs your relationship is over.
If your partner is not as concerned about your well-being as you are about them, it is simply going to make things worse down the line. A relationship is not about one partner giving their all while the other just ignores everything. It’s a mutually nurturing and loving bond that you share with your partner.
When you stop looking away from the truth and living in denial, you'll realize your instinct is giving you signs about how you truly feel.
The sooner you listen to your emotions, the earlier you will be able to face the truth and start working on it. When you aren't as happy in your relationship as you pretend to be, it’s time to take notice.
One study explained that this feeling often stems from a lack of emotional connection, leading to a sense of distance despite physical proximity. It can indicate that partners have drifted apart, are no longer sharing their lives, or are not nurturing the relationship adequately.
Understand this: These are only subtle signs of your reality. These are not red flags that you will get a panic attack about losing the love of your life.
There’s still a good chance of making things work. Start by asking yourself what you have done that has led your relationship to this place. Before blaming your partner, identify your own mistakes; that’s rule number one.
Then start by fixing your faults and do what you can to re-develop the attraction in your relationship. When you take charge, you will instantly see a momentous shift in your relationship dynamic.
Make sure you talk to your partner about what you feel they are doing to affect the relationship in such a way. Approach them with love, understanding, and compassion. If they're unwilling, take it as another sign.
Remember to approach them with an open mindset. Your goal is to understand them, not to make them understand. Don't hold on to limiting beliefs and let go of your expectations.
And finally, when they want to leave, let them. That’s how love works. Plain and simple.
Theo Harrison is an artist, traveler, writer, former contributor to The Mind's Journal, and believer in spiritualism, psychology, and science. He writes primarily about mental health, pop culture, and relationships.
