14 Hard-To-Admit Signs You’re Settling For A Relationship Because You’re Afraid Of Being Alone
You're not in love, they're just convenient.
Kaboompics.com | Canva I'll admit it: I'm one of those people who is just not happy if I'm single, even if I won the lottery. The fact is that being single isn't easy, especially with how insane the pressure can be to find someone compatible with you.
That being said, it's easy for someone like me to get a bit delusional when it comes to dating. With this kind of delusion, a recent study supports that you end up feeling like you're falling for your latest date, even when it's clear it won't work out long-term. And that has a lot to do with your fear of being alone. Not sure if you're really in love? Look for these signs that suggest you're feeling lonely and are only into the idea of being taken.
Here are the signs you’re settling for a relationship because you’re afraid of being alone:
1. You don't know much about them
So, you've been on 3 dates. You know he works at a software spot nearby and that he's into video games. That's about it. But, oh, he's the one. You just know it... not! If you don't know anything about him, you like the idea of him rather than him.
2. You find yourself excusing bad behavior
OWL_VISION_STUDIO / Shutterstock
It's always a new excuse. That time he belched in a 5-star restaurant, it was because he didn't have Pepto Bismol. That time that he cursed off your friends, he was in a bad mood, and drinking made him do it.
Sound like you? Wake up! This is not a guy you're in love with. It's a guy you're desperate to keep because you think it's better than being alone, despite it being quite the opposite.
3. Your relationship feels shallow
If you feel the relationship has an oddly shallow vibe, it could be that it is a superficial relationship, even if you don't want it to be. A deep, real love won't ever feel this way.
4. Your relationship feels forced
Most relationships will have points where it's hard to stay together, and that's okay. What isn't okay is when every little thing feels forced, it feels like a constant uphill battle, and you can't seem to get a break.
If he's not even bothering to put in the effort, it's safe to say the relationship is dead, and you need to realize that he's not in love with you.
5. You feel panicked
When we panic, we do stupid things. In a fire, we might panic and re-enter a dangerous area to get our favorite possession out. In a "relationship fire," we may stay with someone who isn't good for us because we feel that it's all we can get.
Research suggests that panicking about being alone can stem from various factors, including negative beliefs about being alone, individual vulnerabilities, and the cultural emphasis on extraversion. While solitude can have benefits, experiencing anxiety or panic when alone is a distinct issue that may require professional support.
6. You have very little in common
Assuming what you have in common isn't insanely taboo, this just tells you how mismatched you probably are. If you can't even answer this question, you have to wonder what you're doing with yourself.
7. You feel awkward with them
This is generally a sign that you're not feeling someone. If you're ignoring this gut feeling, you need to face the facts: He's not the one for you.
8. You regularly hide parts of yourself to appease them
If you are hiding aspects of your personality, hobbies, or opinions you have, you're not in love. What you're doing is trying to turn yourself into someone you think would want that person, or turning yourself into someone who that person would be in love with.
9. You're with them to be able to flaunt to your friends
If this is your #1 interest, then you may need to think about that for a second. His most attractive feature to you is standing next to you. Does that seem like love to you?
Individuals who fear being alone may seek to 'flaunt' their relationship with friends to gain a sense of belonging and prove that they are not alone. According to a 2023 study, this fear can lead to prioritizing relationship status over relationship quality, potentially resulting in unhealthy or even abusive partnerships.
10. Your conversations are forced
People who are genuinely in love don't tend to need to force conversation. It's something that just happens, and it's something you're usually on the same wavelength about.
11. You panic when you're alone
Wasana Kunpol / Shutterstock
This is a key sign you're at risk of this behavior, and that you should be worried about your mind playing tricks on you. If you get this way frequently, the chances of this being a "not in love" situation are astronomically high.
12. You think of them as a 'pit stop' until you find a better option
If this is the case, then you need to stop fooling yourself. That isn't love, and you're not in love with him. You're using him until you find something better.
13. You hope to change them
Love isn't like that. You don't just mold him into what you want him to be. He's not clay. If you can't stand him as-is, don't try to change him into someone you'd want him to be.
14. You regularly feel like you have to convince others that they're the one
Most of the time, this is done because people simply can pick up the vibe that it's forced. So, don't try to explain things until it fits your mold. Rather, work on getting the right guy instead of dealing with this one.
People with low self-esteem may feel they need to prove their worthiness to be in a relationship, often seeking external validation through their partner. A study by the University of Toronto found that this can manifest as a need to convince others that they have found someone perfect, reinforcing the need for external validation.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
