Before You Get Married, Here Are 8 Things You’ll Be Really Glad You Figured Out First
The things you need to be on the same page about before you say 'I do.'
Andrii Medvediuk | Canva Getting married can be an exciting moment in our lives. But oftentimes, we’re so busy planning the wedding, we end up neglecting the most important thing — the marriage itself.
While some couples find wedded bliss after dating for a month and elope at the county courthouse, it’s not the same for those who realize that after a decade together, they hardly know their spouse. Before getting the invitations or finding the perfect dress, secure your relationship by cultivating healthy discussions with your partner.
In an effort to fortify foundations, we have a few suggestions that will help develop a strongly rooted marriage based on friendship and open communication. After all, who wants to take chances, second-guessing for the rest of their lives?
Before you get married, here are 8 things you’ll be really glad you figured out first:
1. Travel
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This advice comes from the care of life coach Bill Murray. (Yes — that Bill Murray!) When crashing a bachelor party in the summer of 2014, Murray shared how travel is the best test of true love. If two lovers can travel the globe, visit places hard to go to or get out of, yet still be in love at the end of it, marry them.
As an evident tool in rooted love among researchers, travel also strengthens emotional and physical intimacy, while furthering bonding.
2. Financial issues
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The good, the bad, and the ugly of finances are important to discuss, as a financial planner, Kelly Long wrote in the Wall Street Journal, “Money secrets have no place in a marriage.”
From credit card debt to student loans, fiscal discussions help us understand how to handle finances and spending habits. Since poor money practices are a major indicator of divorce, if discussed candidly, they can be a major strength.
3. Family dynamics
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My Big Fat Greek Wedding wasn’t just a romantic comedy — it was a true story. When you get married to someone, you really do marry into their family. Maybe not like the mafia (or, maybe like the mafia...), but they become an extension of you.
By meeting their folks, you can understand love styles, values they were brought up on, family dynamics, and potential parenting styles, and figure out how to avoid family drama.
4. Faith and politics
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Sometimes the biggest arguments arise from the discussion of faith and politics. This is why talking about these two is vital before tying the knot, especially if you hope to raise a family together. It doesn’t matter so much what your faith or political views are separately, but that you two can come together on mutual agreements and grow.
Dr. Michael W. Regier, a psychologist, emphasizes the critical importance of having comprehensive conversations before marriage. He stresses that couples need to "be brutally honest" about challenges and have discussions that reveal whether they're "mature enough to get married."
5. Bucket lists
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Bucket lists are fun when you want to achieve and experience something out of the ordinary. By creating one for you and your partner from the mundane to the wacky (and we mean wacky!), not only is it an enjoyable way to connect and embrace mutual quirks, but varied tasks create a profound effect on communication and connection.
6. Expectations
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Since incompatibility is one of the leading causes of marital dissatisfaction, infidelity, and divorce, figure out if you and your partner are compatible by talking openly.
It might seem a tad taboo to talk about initially, but if you and your partner are truly meant to be, communication should be a breeze in and out of the bedroom without fear of judgment or criticism.
Marriage and family therapist Janika Veasley emphasizes the importance of understanding and communicating expectations before marriage. Veasley explains that "it is a healthy expectation to want to be compatible with your partner" and stresses that couples must "be aware of what they are, take responsibility for having and managing healthy expectations, and communicate them effectively to your partner."
7. Kids
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Does your partner want kids? More importantly, do you want kids? Is adoption a possible prospect? Before tying the knot, having this talk helps present a balanced dynamic without any surprises down the road.
If they don’t want children now (or vice versa), don’t start thinking their minds will change over the years while you compromise. If this is the present case, both of you might be better off with someone else.
Studies consistently show that the transition to parenthood poses a serious challenge to marriage, revealing that parents are significantly less satisfied than non-parents, and number of children is reliably related to marital dissatisfaction. The decision to have or not have children is fundamental to your life path and if you're not aligned on this, both of you might be better off with someone else.
8. Conflict
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Take part in activities together, whether through creative projects or common goals. If complications arise, but you two argue fairly — you’re good to go!
Dr. Dan Kolubinski, PhD, a cognitive behavioral therapist and relationship counselor, reinforces the importance of arguing like adults. Dr. Kolubinski explains that "couples who fight fair know that the real goal isn't to win but to understand each other and protect the relationship," adding that "over time, these simple habits help turn conflict into connection and help love last through even the toughest moments."
It’s crucial to figure out how to handle anger and conflict together. If problems are mutually solved by effective communication, this will be a great asset to enhance your relationship.
Tania Hussain is a freelance writer and Executive Editor at Collidor.
