6 Basic Facts Men Should Know About Women

Here's what you should know about the ladies in your life.

By Melissa Noble — Last updated on Jun 21, 2023

Photo: BGStock72 / Shutterstock

For as much as we agonize over men — purchase self-help books, enlist our girlfriends as support systems during endless mimosa brunches — it was refreshing to click through Esquire's 75 Things You Don't Know About Women.

It makes us feel a little better that we're not the only ones confused by men.

It's actually sort of cute to picture the scruffier sex, wide-eyed, analyzing the inner workings of the female mind.

Or glancing at the words and focusing on the pictures. Hey, they tried.

We can't imagine men pouring over this kind of stuff as we do, but when you have Sarah Silverman explaining why girls go to the bathroom in groups (to do coke), Wanda Sykes revealing the way to a woman's heart, and Emily Deschanel giving men a run down on words we hate (moist), it seems a bit more believable.

Here are 6 basic facts men should know about women:

1. We can tell how good of a lover you are

"We can tell how good you'll be in bed by how good you are on the dance floor. This isn't an invitation to grind your boners into our a**es — we're looking more for rhythm, ingenuity, and joie de vivre." — Leslie Mann

2. We hate waiting for a phone call

"Call us back right away. That 'three-day' crap does not apply. We're getting older and we don't have time to screw around. Wait too long and we'll lose interest. Trust me on this one." — Christina Applegate

3. We notice you noticing other women

"Even when we're blindfolded, even when you're wearing sunglasses, even in the pitch black of night, we can always tell if you just ogled another woman." — Maria Bartiromo

4. We're not in a rush to get into a relationship

"We're afraid of commitment, too. You may think we spend our time scheming ways to trap you into marriage, but many of us are quite happy being independent and autonomous. Besides, we're not in any rush to quit lusting after young Calvin Klein models." — Maria Bello

5. We don't like prolonged eye contact

"Eye contact should last exactly 0.28 seconds. The quickest glance is the most effective. Treat us like the sun during a solar eclipse." — Saira Mohan

6. We're insecure

"Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a gender-wide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Bertha. On a really bad day, Bertha sees her two-hundred-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Brian Dennehy." — Alyssa Milano