The Art Of The Spark: 7 Simple Habits That Keep Your Relationship Radiant
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva I’ve been cleaning out a lot of closets lately and going through old boxes in the basement. Isn’t it embarrassing all the stuff we accumulate over the years? I even found some headphones from the 1980s. Any time is the ideal time for organizing our lives and clearing out the old, decluttering, and trying to make our environment a little more pleasing. I feel more in control of my life when things around me are in order.
Keeping the spark alive doesn't have to be complicated or exhausting. It's really about those little everyday things you do that make your partner feel seen and loved, small stuff that adds up in a big way. When you get into the rhythm of these simple habits, your relationship just feels more radiant, like everything's humming along the way it should.
Here are 7 simple habits that keep your relationship radiant:
1. Clear the air
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Address the conversations you have been avoiding or arguments that have come up a few times. Schedule a time for a heart-to-heart talk. Shine the sunlight on issues that are becoming problematic, such as financial strain. Pushing tough talks aside only creates more confusion and distance between partners. Renowned American psychologist John Gottman says leaving conflicts unresolved is like ignoring your health, and the longer you wait, the worse the damage becomes.
2. Make room for new experiences
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Look at your calendar of commitments. Do you need to free up one night a week as a couple or as a family? Research from the American Psychological Association found that couples who engage in novel and new activities together experience greater increases in relationship quality compared to those who stick to the same old, mundane routines. When couples share exciting new experiences, it reduces relationship boredom and boosts satisfaction.
3. Unload past hurts
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If you’ve been building up resentment, it’s time to dust it off and unload past hurts. Tell your spouse you want to move past these things, but you'd like to share your feelings about why these incidents hurt you. Allow yourself time to see how your partner is different today.
Allow your spouse to apologize and make things right. Then forgive him or her and move on. While it’s important to give voice to your hurts, you have to be willing to stop bringing them up once you’ve worked through them with your partner. Consider it old baggage, and haul it away. Start fresh.
4. Spiff up your appearance
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Give thought to spiffing up your appearance. Has it been a while since you cleaned out the closet and cleared out ill-fitting clothes and old sweatpants? Consider updating your hair, makeup, or wardrobe if it’s gotten lax. Pack away the flannel PJs for next winter. Prepare and eat healthy meals that leave you feeling energetic, not bogged down. Enjoy the confidence the shiny new you bring.
A recent study of 167 couples found that when partners felt appreciated for their appearance, their relationship quality improved. Taking care of how you look isn't vanity; it's one way you show up for your relationship and keep that spark alive.
5. Clean and organize areas where you spend the most time
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In addition to the figurative cleaning, a literal cleaning can give your family a boost of energy. Keep your bedroom clutter to a minimum—and leave the TV in another room. Find strategies and storage for dealing with the high-traffic daily clutter, such as mail and school papers. Couples living in high-clutter homes reported lower relationship satisfaction and more frequent fights, research has found. Keeping your shared spaces tidy is about creating an environment where you both feel calm and connected instead of overwhelmed by mess.
6. Polish tarnished relationships
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If negative friendships or family stresses are contributing to marital disharmony, give them a good scrubbing. Be united as a couple, and set boundaries where needed. All your friends should be supportive of your marriage, or they may not be the friends you think they are. Family disputes: Apologize to those you need to apologize to and set family relationships right when you can. This will save a lot of time and stress in your marriage.
Studies show that daily stress from difficult family relationships or negative friendships spills over into your marriage, sparking more conflict between you and your partner. Setting boundaries together as a couple and resolving family tensions where possible reduces that stress spillover, giving your relationship room to breathe.
7. Practice regular relationship maintenance
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Just like we can’t clean our houses once in the spring and then forget about it (oh, how I wish it would last for at least a week), we have to work on keeping our marriages renewed and fresh. Find something new and exciting to do this month, and get it on the calendar. Repeat the above steps as needed.
People actually spend more time maintaining a relationship than they do creating, growing, or ending one, research has shown. Turns out your marriage really does need the same kind of regular attention as your house, just hopefully with better results.
Lori Lowe has a master's degree in journalism. She is a marriage researcher, writer, and marketing consultant.
