The Art Of The Phone Call: 5 Simple Habits Of People Who Nail Every Conversation
How people who always leave a lasting impression handle every call with warmth and ease.
Vitality Gariev | Unsplash In an age of text messages and DMs, phone calls are experiencing a quiet renaissance. Whatever your reasoning might be, the ability to have a great conversation over the phone is becoming a genuine competitive advantage.
The people who nail every call have simply developed a few consistent habits that transform ordinary conversations into meaningful exchanges. These are simple practices grounded in clarity and respect for other people's time.
Here are five simple habits of people who nail every conversation:
1. They make a good impression
Many women forget that the first phone call is a two-way street. It's not just about what you want to know about him. While you have your detective work in mind, remember you also have to make a good first impression. The man you are speaking to is trying to decide if he'd like to date you.
That means you have to be friendly, warm, and pleasant. Your job is to create the desire within him to meet you by sharing your best self. Be enjoyable — someone the guy would have fun spending time with. If you only focus on getting through your list of questions, you won't connect or have much fun. That will result in fewer first dates.
2. They are realistic
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Dating is a process, and its purpose is to "gather data." This often takes time. If you try to rush this, you risk turning men off. So, be realistic - there is only so much you can learn in a first phone call.
To really know if a man is right for you, most of the time you have to meet him. You need to discover if you connect, have chemistry, and the most important hurdle — if he asks you out.
My two matchmaker friends explain that phone interviews squash more potential matches than anything else. They both want me to tell you not to "phone date," which keeps too many people from ever meeting.
Studies show that effective communicators are better at understanding others' viewpoints, helping them bridge the gap between differing perceptions. Some observers note that people can present a different, less authentic persona over the phone or online compared to face-to-face.
3. They keep their questions light
People do not like to be "grilled." If you handle the first phone call like an interview and fire a series of tough personal questions at a man, he will get turned off. This is an unpleasant interaction that will not serve you in any dating situation.
Questions like, "Why did you get divorced?" or "Why are you still single?" will only put him on the spot and make him uncomfortable. You aren't likely to get the real answer anyway, early on. Why? Because people need to build trust and earn the right to share such personal details. The same is true for you.
What can you ask? Questions about vacations, favorite foods, movies, music, and hobbies are all excellent ways to discover a man's passion and get him talking. Then you can find out how he spends his free time to see if there's a spot for you.
Skillful communicators start calls with a friendly tone and use open-ended questions to signal warmth and encourage fuller responses. If the other person uses a specific word to describe an experience, a skillful conversationalist might repeat that word to show they are on the same page, one study suggested.
4. They use the power of observation and intuition
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If you can't get every question answered, what can you hope to discover about the guy at the other end of the phone? Listen to his voice. Does it appeal to you or make you feel nervous?
Trust your intuition here and in all dating activities. You are listening for red flags to keep yourself safe. In my 10 years of dating coaching, I have only had a couple of women tell me about a man who made them nervous. It doesn't happen often, but do keep your ears open.
To determine if a man is worth dating, listen to his energy level and interest in you. As you listen to him talk, you'll learn about his language skills, intelligence, and disposition. This is all valuable information to determine if a man could be a good match without drilling deep into why his wife left.
Communication studies have suggested that excellent phone communicators use active listening, decode vocal cues, and develop empathy to observe what is unsaid. Non-verbal elements of speech, known as paralanguage, include pitch, pace, volume, and intonation, all provide a deeper meaning beyond the literal words.
5. They leave them wanting more
Let's say the call is going well and you feel like you could talk to this man all night. Don't do it! You want to have something to talk about next time. Plus, you want to leave him thinking about you and curious to know more.
In addition, there is a tremendous risk to a marathon phone call, which can work against you — oversharing! Women often get lulled into a sense of connection and then start sharing their problems, which rings all his warning bells. Instead, end the call after 20 minutes. Simply say, "I enjoyed talking with you, but I have to get going." Let him take the lead in deciding to meet or calling you again.
Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach, Past Life Reader, and author of six books. She’s the creator of the free audio course How to Ask the Universe for a Sign and Get an Answer Within 24 Hours and the host of the popular metaphysical podcast Breathe Love & Magic. She's been published on ABC, BBC, and NPR.
